attack_laurel (attack_laurel) wrote,
attack_laurel
attack_laurel

Because memes should not replace real entries from me...


...but I wanted to do this one.

snagged from freewaydiva , by way of gwen_the_potter :

1. My uncle once:
Lived in India, then in a manor house in Suffolk.  He has also shot his eye out in a hunting accident, and sold Amway.  My mother has done the first two, but not the second two, to my profound relief.

...especially the Amway.

2. Never in my life:
Have I killed someone.  That I know of.

That you know of.

3. When I was five:
I had been in school for almost a full year.  This early overachieving set me up to become the proud slacker I played in high school. I think I did my homework in H.S. all of three times.  To add to my mother's fury, I got A's on all three.  Parents do not understand that "You're so intelligent!  Why don't you do better?!" is like nails on a chalkboard to a smart kid. 

Yes, I can do it, but I won't because you're nagging me, okay?

4. High school was:
Amusing, and not at all like the systematic and calculated torture of my secondary school.  Being different was cool.  God bless you, Marlo Thomas.

5. I will never forget:
All the people who smugly said I couldn't do/be something.  Thank you for giving me the motivation I needed to leave you all in the dust.

Especially you, Mrs. Lyons, who lined up photos of all the kids in your primary school class by order of how pretty they were, and put me last, behind even the borderline retarded kid with cross-eyes who drooled (I'm not kidding).  Fuck you.

6. Once I met (and befriended):
A little cat who threw herself out of the cage at the shelter and into my arms, miaowing frantically, then purring and snuggling into my arms.  Of course I couldn't leave you there.  My only regret is that I couldn't bring you with me when I left my old life behind. 

I still miss you, my pretty Siena.

7. There’s this girl I know: 
She stalks me.  I think it's funny.

You know who you are.  Stop giggling.

8. Once, at a bar:
I won $50 in a costume contest by dint of cleverly seeding the audience with really loud friends.  Whomever got cheered for loudest won.  I was up against a chick in a leather vest, for God's sake.  Of course I won.

Thanks, Kynny.

9. By noon, I’m usually:
Most of the way through my work day, aggravated by something or other, and planning things to improve productivity.

I can only hope.

10. Last night:
I saw myself on TV.

Go me.

11. If only I had:
Several billion dollars.  Bail out the economy?  Only by buying massive amounts of stuff. 

Shopping spree!

12. Next time I go to church:
Will be the day lightning strikes me before I manage to set a foot inside and soil the sanctity.  Alternatively, it will be the next time I decide to go sightseeing around churches. 

I like cathedrals best.  They have kitties and stained glass.

13. What worries me most:
Losing Bob.  If I lose him, y'all have to find him again, okay?

Promise?

14. When I turn my head left I see:
Two scanners, a printer, and a whole load of mess.  Whoo boy, a whole load of mess.

Someday, I should clean it, or something.

15. When I turn my head right I see:
The door to the computer room. 

It's marginally more tidy on that side.

16. You know I’m lying when:
I am prone on a sofa, a bed, or the ground.  If I am upright, I am standing, and if I am halfway between, my glass is half full.

I'm an optimist that way.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is:

The alternative clothes, and the fact that I could walk into any thrift store/secondhand shop and get awesome vintage togs.  Damn you, fashion, for making old clothes fashionable!

Dig my frilly petticoat, man.  I once went to a gay club in London dressed entirely in white from head to toe, looking like I was on my way to a semi-Victorian tea party.  It was the eighties.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be:
The Gravedigger from Hamlet.  Or Guildenstern.  Or Henry V.  But definitely not Ophelia, or Desdemona, or any of those stupid girls. 

*sigh*  Okay, maybe Olivia.  But even she was a bit of a noodle.

19. I have a hard time understanding:
Stupid. 

My problem is I keep trying to fix it.  Who's stupid now?

20. If I ever go back to school:
It will have to be in England.  The American College system is dumb - I refuse to take any classes except art.

Sorry, but it is.  Why do I have to take math to be an artist?  I already know all the math I need to do my taxes, check my investments, and balance my checkbook. Algebraic functions may be art to some people, but I ain't painting them.
Tags: humour, meme
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