My arms have this weird thing going on this morning where they alternately ache and then feel like they're made of lead, and it's screwing up my typing, so you get a meme, which I ganked from abbybob.
Like all my memes, you're going to get a lot more answer than you bargained for. It's my thing.
All answers are my opinion only, but my opinion is pretty fixed on most of these things, so if you want to debate, don't bother here - you're not going to change my mind (and hopefully, I will have explained why). Wait and see me in person, if you absolutely have to say something. Then we won't get angry at each other because text is a poor format for debate, and we can just slug it out over the ideas themselves.
I throw a mean left hook, by the way. I'm just sayin'.
 Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?
Bitch, please. I'll do almost anything if someone dares me. It's not like the people who like me are going to care, and the people who hate me are going to hate me anyway. Besides, this test reads like it was written by a liberal pretending to be a right-winger. It hits all the standard buttons, and I'm not particulary scared.
 Would you do meth if it was legalized?
No. I like my teeth, I like my reasonably smooth skin tone, and really, if they legalized opiates, most people would drop meth. It's a nasty, cheap alternative to the more expensive illegal drugs, and is the equivalent of drinking sterno for the alcohol buzz - you do it when there's no alternative. I am a big fan of big explosions ('splosions!), but I prefer them to be organized and intentional, and randomly exploding meth labs just seem like a bad idea all around.
 Abortion: for or against it?
I would like to live in a world where abortion is completely unneccessary - a world where every baby is wanted, teenagers have full and complete information about how to handle their sexuality, and women are never raped. Until that day comes, abortion should be safe and legal, because making it illegal doesn't stop abortions, it just means that rich women go overseas for their abortions, and poor women bleed to death in horrible conditions on a regular basis. More than that, I think abortions should be available to anyone who asks, because most abortions are not a stupid form of birth control (and it is stupid, stupid, stupid to use it as such), but the only solution to circumstances that should have been better handled before it got to that stage. The "Morning After" pill should also be freely available, because it obviates the neccessity for an abortion, and doesn't cause one.
...No, I'm not going to debate that one. If the egg is not implanted, it is not an abortion. Those who want to say that life begins at conception may take it up with The Creator, who lets fertilized eggs go through without implantation all the time.
 Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
First, the world doesn't fail based on the choice of the President of the US, so get over yourself. Second, I think the genitalia of the Commander in Chief is the last thing that one should worry about - there is nothing - nothing - less important. I can't believe this is even being debated, since the rest of the world has had amazing female leaders for many years now, and they're doing rather well (though female leaders in predominantly male-dominated cultures have a tendency to be assassinated, which makes their dedication and willingness to take that risk all the more admirable - would you take office knowing that you have a very high chance of being murdered during your candidacy or service?). I think it speaks more to the immaturity of the American Public than the fitness of any leader male or female that this is even a factor in their choice of leader.
 Do you believe in the death penalty?
I think that there are people who are too dangerous to live. This will disturb my mother, who is adamantly anti death-penalty, but I think in a few cases (not nearly as many as are sentenced), the odds of a person hurting/killing someone are so high, and the person so beyond rehabilitation, that killing them is neccessary for the overall well-being of society. I am repulsed by the casual use of the death penalty in some states, however, and the Texas/Florida "race" to see how many inmates they can murder is appalling. I also think that life in prison - real prison - is harder and crueler to prisoners than the death penalty, and in many cases, I'm perfectly fine with that. I find the level of moral relativism in current society too high, and I think there should be severe consequences for society-harming actions.
...I am what P.J.O'Rourke calls a "callous pragmatist"; I am for the death penalty, and I am for abortions. Killing should never be done lightly, but if you're going to support one, it is hypocrisy to deny the validity of the other. I realize this may seem cold, but it is not - I deeply wish that neither was neccessary, but the current state of society is such that both must remain an option. I still hope with all my heart that one day, neither will be a part of our world, because neither are needed.
 Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
I think it is stupidity itself to keep MaryJane illegal - it was only illegalized because
...In fact, the whole "drug war" is based in hysteria, lies, and fearmongering. If drugs were legalized, we'd see a drop in crime, a drop in overdoses (regulators would be overseeing the quality of the product), and South America could rid itself of the drug overlords destroying their culture. If you want a model for why illegalization doesn't work, look at Prohibition in the 1920s.
 Are you for or against premarital sex?
I think everyone should be making that choice for themselves, don't you? All this petty prying into the private lives of other citizens is ridiculous, prurient, and highly suspect. The absolute compulsion of the extreme Religious Right to talk about sex all the time just makes me think they're all dying to get into bondage gear and make it like mad rutting bunnies, except they've built a culture where everyone spies on each other to catch any slight deviation from the "norm", and they're afraid the neighbours will see, and disapprove.
Everyone must choose their own path, and no-one else can say what that path may be.
 Do you believe in God?
I believe in a Something. I also believe we cannot know what that something is, because we are human, and unable to think that big. I definitely don't want someone else's opinion of what that God should be (usually a God that fits their own prejudices and bias, which frequently clash with mine, too) imposed on children in classrooms - if you want to teach your kids that the world wobbles along on the back of a drunken llama, and that rain is spit from the giant God-Iguana in the sky, feel free to do so at home. Do not, however, attempt to force everyone else's kids to be told that it is the absolute truth.
 Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Since "marriage" is a contract between two people for economic and social reasons, yes, I think that two same sex people should enjoy all the rights that the government bestows upon Britney Spears and her idiot husband just because they happen to be straight and therefore allowed to get married. Religious unions should be left to the individual churches, and not interfered with by the State. Most of the gay people I have ever known have had more stable long term relationships than half the straight people I've known, so I hardly think it will be the end of society if Teh Gayz teach the rest of us what a healthy committed relationship actually looks like again. ...And I'm all for expanding the pool of prospective adoptive parents.
 Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
Racist, much? Some people seem to think that only brown people are problem immigrants. I think that the US has one of the most open immigration policies in the world, and that much of the strength of the country is built upon the free acceptance of anyone into this marvellous country. Each successive generation of immigrants (Italian, Irish, Asian, Hispanic) takes pretty much only the jobs that Americans don't want, like field labour, scrubbing toilets, and sweeping streets. Their work ethic injects fresh strength into a country that would otherwise lapse into spoiled indolence, and reminds people that we are a melting pot of all cultures. That admission of all races has made us one of the mightiest countries in all of modern history, and the steady influx of new blood acts as a transfusion of energy every generation. If some people can just get over their racism, we'd do rather well.
...I have a long rant about this. Ask me sometime when you have a couple of hours to spare.
 A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?
A twelve year old girl who is sexually active should have had a full and comprehensive education about sexuality, including full access to birth control methods, education on what constitutes rape and the assurance that she has every right to say no at any time, and the assurance that saying no means no. She should be told that she, and only she, has the right to decide when and how she will be sexually active, and that no-one has the right to manipulate her into sex (anyone who says "if you love me, you'll have unprotected sex with me" should be castrated), that if she was sexually abused by a family member, she always has the right to speak out, and that she will not be held solely responsible for society's twisted attitude about sex that always blames the woman for not being "pure" enough. Her choice about what to do with the baby should be hers, and hers alone ...and that choice should never be taken away from her.
...If you have about four hours of down time, I can fill you in on my opinions on this issue. Uh, better make it five.
 Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
It seems to work in the UK. Honestly, how twisted is it that a young man can go and have his limbs blown off in a war, and not be able to have a drink of champagne at his wedding before he leaves? He can vote, drive a car, and get married, and yet he isn't responsible enough to have a beer? Seriously, like drugs, if you took the mystique and lies out of drinking and bothered to honestly and properly educate teens about the responsible use of mind-altering substances of every kind, you'd have much less binge drinking. It's the obvious lies and the assumption of a lack of responsibility that encourage underage drinking - adults make it seem thrilling by making it forbidden and telling kids they'll have three-headed babies if they drink before they're 21.
...I'm going to be a bit insulting about my adopted country here, and say that this society infantilizes its citizens more than almost any other country, and it leads to ridiculous problems. If y'all want to be trusted by the rest of the world, you need to grow up a bit about stuff and stop seeing everything as a black-and-white issue.
...Which is not moral relativism; nuanced thinking and judgement actually leads to a clearer sense of bad and good, because it doesn't adjust everything to the lowest common denominator, and then say "oh, they can't help it, they're victims of society".
 Should the war in Iraq be called off?
Technically, the "war" is over; the day they captured Saddam, the "war" ended. we are now in a period of protracted, bloody, peace. Since we created it, I think we might have an obligation to help clean it up, but we need to acknowledge that, and actually try and fix it (at the top level; the soldiers just need resources and support to do their job properly). And then, we need to get back to Afghanistan. And maybe do something about Georgia. And Darfur. If we're going to be the "World's Policeman", we should do it right.
 Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
Absolutely not. Suicide is a horrible thing, and should never be neccessary (like all the other dreadful compromises we make as humans), but sometimes, it is needed, especially in cases of terminal pain and agony, especially when idiot caregivers won't administer proper pain medication because of needless drug hysteria.
...blah, blah, time to spare, blah, blah, hours of opinion, blah.
 Do you believe in spanking your children?
I have no children, so I cannot say. Having the experience I do, though, I would say that hitting as a punishment, especially for minor infractions, simply makes the child fear and distrust the parent, so I don't recommend it.
 Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Tax free? Sure. I'm English - we don't attach the importance to flags that you crazy Americans do. Perhaps it's because you don't have a monarchy, so the flag has to stand as your only national symbol, and you attach a lot of emotional significance to it. In the same vein, we'd probably object somewhat if our Queen was set on fire. But a million dollars? I'll burn a lot of things for a million dollars.
...Make it five million, and I'll attempt to burn your flag with my Queen wrapped up in it like a burrito. YouTube, ahoy.
 Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or Obama?
This is merely a rabble-rousing question. I can't vote, so I really don't have a say, but I think I prefer to go with the candidates who have the least interest in removing more of my rights. If I had an affiliation, I'd say I was a libertarian.
 Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
People judge me all the time - mostly through a filter of their own insecurities, just like we all do. If my answers don't agree with yours, hit the "back" button and move on. If you feel such a deep burning need to "correct" everyone on the 'nets to your point of view, perhaps you need to question whether you are not actually affiliated with a US party, but actually more of a fascist. Differing viewpoints keep Democracy healthy; demanding that everyone think the same is Communism.
...Judge that, suckers. *innocent whistling*