attack_laurel (attack_laurel) wrote,
attack_laurel
attack_laurel

Monday, bloody Monday

Snort.  Argh.  Poor Bob is sick again.  I lost an earring this morning, the Christmas cards are not yet sent out (they will be going in the mail today, I haven't forgotten you guys), and the guy stopped dead in the road screamed "FUCK YOU!!!" when I suggested he put on his hazard lights so people would know he's having car trouble, and not just being a dick (I didn't say that last part - though I thought he was messing with the car behind him by driving at 1 mile an hour).

It isn't all bad - we went to the movies Saturday, and dancing on Friday (half a drink only for me, next time - they generously free-pour, and too much liquor on painkillers makes for a headache the next day).  It was just this morning that got off to a less than stellar start.  So, until I feel more in the holiday mood to write, here's a random meme I gakked from debsiobhan:

 

Five Things I Just Don’t Get:
1. People who drive slower in the left lane when they know someone wants to pass them/move out of their way.
2. People who want the entire world to conform to their very narrow view of how things should run (a fascist by any other name would still smell...)
3. Dumb people.  No, wait, they don't get me.
4. The current fuss over steroid use in athletes.  You guys wanted them to break records and do amazing things, and weren't satisified with simple talent.  Why are you so surprised that they tried to keep up with your demands by using everything available?
5. Computers.  I mean, I get the basics, but I'm a bit of a dumbass when it comes to anything more complicated than right-clicking. 

Other Than Money, I Wish I Had More Of:
1. Pain-free living.
2. Time.
3. Beneficial bacteria (don't ask).
4. Toned muscles.
5. Winning lottery tickets (not technically money, so thbbbpt).

Five Least Favorite Words or Phrases:
1. I'm a victim, so I'm not responsible for what I do.
2. I'm sorry, but... (any apology followed by a "but..." is not an apology).
3. I'm not a hypocrite/criticizing/being a racist bastard, but... (again, any words preceding the "but..." are immediately negated by that modifier.  Skip it, or take responsibility for your words).
4. I was just kidding!  Geez, can'tcha take a joke?  ("jokes" make me laugh, asshole.  You're just being mean and hoping to get away with it.)
5. She must have been asking for it.  (*cue blinding flashback*)

Five Famous People I’ve Spoken With In Person:
1.  Sir David Attenborough ("Anthony isn't home.  Can I take a message?")
2.  Tony Todd ("sorry, I'm already seeing someone.")
3.  Teller (he whispered two words to me when I told him how much I enjoyed his act:  "It's hornswoggling".)
4.  If I think of any more, I'll let you know.

Five Things I Do Nearly Daily That I Don’t Enjoy:
1. Take medication.
2. Get up at 4:50am.
3. Brush my teeth (I don't know why, but I don't enjoy it.  I still do it, mind you.)
4. Deal with asshole drivers.
5. Hurt.

Five Things I Wish I Had The Chance To Do More Often:
1. Go to England.
2. Play on a grand piano.
3. Perform on stage.
4. See my mother.
5. Stay home from work.

Five Favorite Movie, Television or Literary Quotes:
1. "piece de resistard" - The Soup (on the E! network)
2.  "Are they all dead?"  "Well, dead-ish." - Dawn of the Dead (remake)
3.  "These Addams men, where do you find them? "  "It has to be damp." - Addams Family Values
4.  "Why are you dressed like somebody died?"  "Wait."  - Addams Family Values
5.  "Stephen, if you really love me, you'll find a way to drop dead in the next second." - House on Haunted Hill (remake)

Five Things I Have Actually Done That Sound Like Lies:
1. Auditioned for a phone-sex job.
2. Performed at the National Theater, Washington DC.
3. Raked my fingernails down another girl's back and gotten away with it.
4. Been kissed and asked for a date by Tony Todd.
5. Had my picture in the Washington Post.

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