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A momentary interlude...

OMG I love my husband, I love my husband ilovemyhusbandilovemyhusbandilovehimlovehimlovehim...

As I have said here before, I'm a terrible housekeeper.  If it were left to me, the carpets would get vacuumed only if we were expecting guests, the bathrooms would be terrifying, and the dishes would sit in the sink for months*.

It's not deliberate; I just really don't notice.  I do try; I clean the bathroom every now and then, and try to remember to bag the trash when the bag is full, and put stuff in the dishwasher.  I do laundry on my days off... sometimes.  But the piles of projects have taken over the sitting room (I'm working on three at once, right now), and I get so wrapped up in whatever I'm enthusiastic about, that I really don't see that chores need doing.

Bob does not complain, though he'll ask me to do stuff sometimes, and I feel terrible that he had to ask.  I thank him constantly for doing chores - for instance, we normally grocery-shop together, but I've been in such pain this week (still don't have one of the meds I need, making do with the two others), that he went grocery shopping on his own.  I was very, very grateful.  He's also done laundry, emptied all the trash cans, and run the dishwasher at least once. 

I suck.  He loves me anyway.

I keep the farm pretty clean, but that's because we get a steady stream of visitors.  Even then, I don't always mop the floor (I figure it will only get dirty again), and dust will settle in some places I forget about.  But I always have clean sheets for guests.  I suppose that's the main thing, right?

Anyway.  I love my husband. 

Mind you, I could live with a guy who expected me to do all the housework in addition to working, and I still wouldn't do the housework any more than I do - we'd just fight a lot more.  And I bet I could make him give up and start doing it himself because it was easier.  The Patriarchy may have twisted me in many ways, but it won't win on this one; I'm a Zen master when it comes to not seeing dirt.

*I'm really not kidding about this one.  In my first marriage, I was expected to do all the housework, and the apartment did not have a dishwasher.  The dishes sat in the sink once for a month and a half before I got to them, because Ex refused to do anything around the house "because I bring in a paycheck"**.  The first clue should have been when I dated him, and the sink in his apartment had a pile of dishes that had been there so long (4 months, I think he said) that the ones on the bottom had grown together.  Instead of running, I washed them.

**Ex devalued my entire existence because I did not bring any money in.  Even though I maintained the entire house and garden, none of it counted as much as his 8hr/day job.  He still thinks I left him because Bob bought me presents.  *eye roll*



( 18 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )
May. 6th, 2010 12:38 pm (UTC)
I have one of those wonderful dirt-tolerant husbands as well.
I've been feeling a bit guilty about that lately, so have been making an effort... like putting away the projects I'm working on, vacuuming once a week... that sort of thing. I'm worried that it isn't gonna last though...
LILIES is coming up, and there's sewing to do... Maybe if I make him new clothes, it will make up for his domestically challenged wife.
May. 6th, 2010 12:56 pm (UTC)
I'm also very fortunate in that regard. My partner and I both do housework indoors and out and it pretty much balances out in most areas except the fact that I do a majority of the food purchasing and preparation. He works longer hours than I do most of the time so it really isn't an issue.

But the only time our house is TRULY clean is when we have guests, otherwise neither one of us will be motivated to do the deep clean.
May. 6th, 2010 01:14 pm (UTC)
Rob and I have a funny arrangement. He despises dishes, I despise laundry (after working wardrobe in theater for years and doing other people's laundry constantly it feels like such major work) so I do the dishes and He does the laundry. the rest we pretty much split when we have massive cleaning fests before parents come visiting.
May. 6th, 2010 01:46 pm (UTC)
My hubby does, like, 99% of the housework. Even when we were both working. I mow.

Now that he's only working part time - oh the luxury!! I adore having a house-husband. The house is cleaner than ever and he's not as cranky about doing all the work because he has enough time to do it all.

If I made, like, another 20k a year, I'd say, "Sweetie, stop looking for a job."
(Deleted comment)
May. 6th, 2010 07:40 pm (UTC)
*raises glass*
May. 6th, 2010 04:23 pm (UTC)
i do most of the housework around here even when I'm working... but Jim does 100% of the chores I hate most, and I get plenty of massages (he's certified). We have an arrangement that works for us.... if it smells bad it's his problem (cat box, sewage back flow, scrubbing trashcans, handling compost disasters).
May. 6th, 2010 07:41 pm (UTC)
If it works, and everyone is happy, it's good, I think. :)
May. 6th, 2010 05:43 pm (UTC)
Housework here only tends to get done when it's unpleasant to walk on the floors and stuff. We always mean to do it sooner, and then something shiny comes along.

Yay for untidy people!
May. 6th, 2010 07:35 pm (UTC)
That blog was pretty interesting - I don't think of my self as a traditional feminist, (since I do play more of a traditional female role) but I still don't do all the kid contingency planning or anything. Paul gets up with the kids at night and has ever since I stopped nursing since he falls asleep more easily then I do but we never really had a discussion about it, it is just what we do. If he's home in the mornings he gets them out the door to school, if he's not I obviously do. etc. but not because I have had to ask him, he just is part of the parenting. It's a little different to read about someone who is a vocal feminist married to someone who won't do things equally, while I think I am a little more quiet about my views, and I never have to search for equality in my relationship. Maybe it's because Paul is a better feminist then I am.
May. 6th, 2010 07:41 pm (UTC)
As everyone who knows you two knows, your husband is awesome. :D
May. 6th, 2010 08:59 pm (UTC)
creepy. I had a relationship like your last one and now I have one like the one you have now. He's wonderful even if he does procrastinate with the lawn mowing until I have to make excuses to the neighbours about him being on midnights.

Yay for our Men! :-)
May. 6th, 2010 11:01 pm (UTC)
I love your last line about being a zen master at not seeing dirt!
May. 7th, 2010 04:10 pm (UTC)
It's nicer than saying I'm messy. :D
May. 7th, 2010 12:17 am (UTC)
Hubby is the zen master at not seeing dirt. We finally hired someone to clean every two weeks. That way I get to project with less guilt, and the house is clean. There's a lot less fighting about it, too.
May. 7th, 2010 01:49 am (UTC)
I'm not the world's best housekeeper, but my dear husband wouldn't see dirt if it became sentient, grew legs, walked up to him, called him a son of a spavined she-goat, and kicked him in the shin.

I'm considering hiring someone to clean once or twice a month, but I'm not sure how to get past the point of "my [room of current disaster] is too dirty to pay someone to clean."

May. 7th, 2010 05:54 am (UTC)
I'm still learning how to clean house with a baby around. If things get too bad, though, I find a way. Or we hire someone. That is money well spent.
My hubby will do any chore I ask him to (I see the dirt before he does) and he cooks and does laundry. All in all, life is good.
May. 7th, 2010 07:17 pm (UTC)
I am like you, and Leif my parner dont give a damn about it. What worries me and your post is that you feel its you who should do more, what about your husband, isnt he going to help home two, and what about my Leif!
We have lived together soo manny years now, and we wont change, and i dont give a bother of it either anymore, thats the way we are, and thats it!

May. 8th, 2010 03:15 pm (UTC)
That's the thing - Bob does way more stuff than I do around the house - right now, he's taking out the trash, and will be vacuuming later, while I go out to babysit a friend's cats, and then go to a Pampered Chef party.

( 18 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )

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