attack_laurel (attack_laurel) wrote,

Hungry hungry ...Hungry?

Weight Watchers is still using their delightful little bete orange, Hungry, in their ads, and I am happy.

(I have one of the magnet dolls on my fridge.  They were recalled, so now he's extra precious.)

But I still want a Hungry of my own - a little creature that follows me around, making doughnuts appear out of thin air?  Sign me up.

(When I see that ad, I always imagine the woman's co-workers offering to take that doughnut off her hands:  "Allow me to fall on that doughnut for you", and "Where's my doughnut?" are things I speculate being said in that office.)

He's very cute and fuzzy, and he brings me chocolates.  He produces pie in my desk drawer exactly when I need it.  He's in the vending machine, helping me pick out my afternoon snack.  He makes a mean club sandwich.  And he'll sit on the sofa with me and watch TV, instead of nagging me to go out and exercise.

I love Hungry.  He's my co-pilot, my buffalo wing man.

Unlike that terrifying creature Jillian Michaels, who yells a lot and sells a nasty fluid that you're supposed to drink for seven days instead of eating to get you started on "any sensible diet and exercise program", as if drinking nothing but icky-tasting chemicals for a week is in the least bit sane. 

Who would you choose as a companion, a friendly furry little beast that shares his pizza with you, or an angry abusive beast of a woman who will slap the pie out of your hand and scream epithets at you?

I think that, right there, tells you all you need to know about the industry of weight loss - you are only deserving of abuse, scorn, and more abuse if you need their products, but you should buy the products of the people telling you how fat and disgusting you are.  How is this different from the school bully demanding your lunch money?  It's not like you're going to get any benefit from a 7-day fasting program that makes you drink dandelion tea water with sugar-free cranberry and lemon juice. 

Nope, I want Hungry by my side, not least because if I don't want to eat the whole doughnut, he's going to eat the rest of it for me. 

Jillian would probably slap me.

Mmmmmmmm, doughnuts.  Mind you, if it was cupcakes, it would be even better.  But I'm sure if I asked, he'd bring me those, too.

See?  He's awesome.
Tags: cupcakes, diet, fun, humour
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