attack_laurel (attack_laurel) wrote,


Giant sneezy snot balls forming in globally warming oceans.

Okay, this is, officially, my limit.

I think I speak for all of us when I say AAAAAAAH WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE THE BLOB IS COMING FOR US.

Also, eeeeeeuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwww.

I already knew about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch (you do not want to know what kinds of Cabbage Patch-type dolls are born out of that), and that's it's more or less the size of Texas, but now we have to deal with giant mucus balls?
(You know how some gross disgusting icky  people in the swimming pool blow their nose into their hand, and then swish their hand around in the water, leaving behind a blob of nasty nose goblins floating around for unsuspecting people to swim into?  Yeah, it's like a giant version of that.)

Who the hell is running this planet, anyway? And where's the chore list?

My Earth-mates suck. No-one ever does the washing up, everyone claims it's someone else's turn to take out the garbage, no-one's recycled properly ever, and now the bathroom totes needs cleaning, and everyone says it's not their job.

Apparently we have an absentee landlord, too, though some roommates claim there is no landlord, and others claim he's coming at some point, and boy, is he going to be mad.  A smaller number of roommates think that the landlord is going to move them into a better house in a nicer neighbourhood, with free Wi-Fi and everything, so who cares if we lose the security deposit on this residence?

Myself, I don't care whether we have a landlord or not, but I do feel just a teeny bit of responsibility to the future renters who will be inhabiting this place after we move out, so I think it might not be a bad idea to, y'know, clean once in a while.  And try not to burn the place down just because we can.

I know - it seems like simple common sense, right?  However, you'd be surprised how many of my roommates think that it doesn't matter how badly we treat the place, claiming it'll survive.  I can only guess that they assume some magical pixie elf cleaning company is going to come along and scrub everything, and the lazy bastard roommates won't have to lift a finger, or change their behaviour, or do anything different at all (including, but not limited to, dumping nail polish remover down the sink, cleaning out the refrigerator without buying any more food, and running the air conditioning at full blast while setting the furniture on fire because they're chilly). 

Heck, some of them are even denying the place is a mess, and claiming that those of us who want to clean are totally overreacting, and they don't see the problem.

It's too hard to clean, they whine.  The cleaning supplies are too expensive.  It's work.  It can't be fixed in an hour, and they totes had plans for the next hundred years that didn't involve cleaning.  Someone else can do it, they all say.

The trouble is, they're all saying it.  There seems to be no-one willing to clean the whole place.  Some of us are trying to keep our own rooms clean, but we can't afford to buy cleaning stuff for the whole house.  And the environmentally safe stuff is three times more expensive (what's up with that, anyway?), so we're kinda hosed.

And we don't want to be hosed.  The mucus sticks to everything and suffocates the goldfish, and my pet turtles are getting sick from the garbage left around (turtles aren't that bright, and a green plastic bag looks kinda like a lettuce leaf or seaweed, after all).  The acid from the shower that never gets cleaned is killing the houseplants, and the air inside the house is getting pretty rank, since none of the windows open.

It's time to clean, is all I'm saying.  And the richest roommates need to foot at least 80% of the bill, since they have the money to buy the cleaning supplies.  We'll all pitch in on the labour.

Right?  You grab the mop, I'll go get the bucket.

And throw up in it, because, hey, mucus.

Tags: end of the world, environmentalism, humour, politics

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