attack_laurel (attack_laurel) wrote,

The fish still doesn't need that bicycle, thanks.

Obviously, I dislike and despise the premise of the Faux Network's show More to Love, but aside from the "see the fat freaks cry!" sine qua non of size status quo reification, I realize that every time I see a promo or watch a clip on The Soup, I find myself hating the guy they picked. He's creepy. He's sexist. He can't deal with the idea of a woman who won't be a combination babymaker/housekeeper wife for him, and is...

Holy cow, he's my ex-husband.

Awkward sexualized commentary whether it's appropriate to the conversation or not? Check.

Constant need to be the one in charge? Check.

Expectation of sexual favours after paying a generic compliment on appearance? Check.

Creepy sexual innuendo? Check.

Inability to read the emotions of any of the women? Check.

And as a result of the above, a tendency to assume that because he's having a good time, then everyone else is? Check, check, and fuck.

I'm perhaps a little jaded by my experiences with a man almost exactly like Luke (I get all my recaps from Fatshionista!), but every time I see a clip (watch the show?  Oh, hell no), I want to scream at all these women to run away as fast and as far as they can, before they end up with a douche who will never, ever empathise with, support, or appreciate them.  Apparently, the producers deliberately filtered for women with crashingly low self-esteem (they cannot perpetuate the trope of "my life would be perfect if I wasn't fat" with confident, accomplished, happy fat women, you understand), and by all appearances, they hit the jackpot.  Any woman with the merest shred of confidence would dump Luke in a heartbeat.  Not because he's fat, but because he's a shallow self-centered jerk.

I know whereof I speak; I was that woman with no self-esteem at 19, and I thought my first husband was the love of my life, because he was interested in me.  The fact that he had no real interest in compromising anything about his single lifestyle to accomodate a partner was not really a problem for me, since I thought that I was the one who had to change to accomodate him.  He never gave me any indication otherwise.

Five years later, I ran.

Fifteen years later, I'm doing great - and my self-esteem is in much better shape, in large part thanks to the man who loved me exactly as I was, thin or fat, and saw our relationship as a partnership, not a heirarchy with him at the top.

While the women on More to Love are edited to be weepy and all about their fat, they are real people, and they deserve more than a creepy sleaze who can't even handle the idea of them having a career.  I hope each of them leaves this show and finds someone worthwhile, who will love them exactly as they are.  But they need to lose some self-hatred first.

I see this show as endorsing the idea that fat people can't have nice things, and that they, especially the women(because women need to be much thinner than men to be considered attractive), will never be lovable, and must settle for whomever will have them.  Every time they film the women going "this is my only chance at love!" they reinforce the status quo that says fat women are worthless, and should be grateful for the merest crumb of affection.  I can't blame the women; it's really hard on the self-esteem to be told "you're worthless unless you're thin!" all your life.  I notice that Luke is never filmed saying "I'm not lovable"; as the man, he is given a harem to choose from, because even among fatties, men are higher up the social scale than women.

Run ladies, run.  As fast and as far as you can.

ETA:  I ran Safeway's BMI calculator, and guess what? I'm overweight. This is how fucked up our society has become about weight and health. Fat women are so ugly that they will never find anyone to love unless a reality show fixes them up (after a humiliating elimination process), and a person who lost 60lbs and kept it off for 14 years (and is a size 8-10)is "at risk for weight-related problems". Society is messed up, y'all.  
Tags: blah blah blah, fat hate, rage, self-esteem, sexism, tv
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