Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry


This made me shake badly, but it speaks the absolute truth about why women are completely hosed when it comes to dealing with and trying to avoid rape.  (Trigger warning, natch.)

This applies to "lesser" assaults - the kind women hear about every day, the kind that many people don't believe is that big a deal because they don't experience it themselves - as well.  Following the rules of "feminine" behaviour means we're attacked from both ends.  And why is it categorized as "not a big deal"? Because we're supposed to be nice, not make waves, not stir up shit, and be good little girls who don't cause a scene.

You know, if I'm going to be attacked either way, I would rather be attacked because I'm being "mean", rather than be blamed after I'm violated.  So I'm letting all of you know that I'm done being polite.  Next time a man demands my attention despite my clear disinterest, I'm going to ignore him.  If he pushes it, I'm going to tell him what I think.  If I'm a bitch for demanding equal consideration for my desires, then so be it.  I am old enough that I simply don't care what strangers think of me. 

The risk that all women face is that a man who is refused sometimes feels he has the right to force a woman to do what he wants.  If he gets violent, I have... options.  I'm not going into greater detail.

This applies to interactions in the SCA, too - anyone who touches me without my permission is going to get an earful.  Tell you what - if I'm at an event you're attending, and some man (or woman) won't leave you alone, or is making you uncomfortable, come to me, and I'll be your voice, your safe space, and the words you can't make yourself say because your training is too strong.  Like I said, I have options, and resources that you may not have.  I pledge to do my utmost to make you safe.

Because I'm done.  If you can't get someone to stop, I'll take care of it.  I can live with being called a bitch - I've been through much, much worse. 

No more Ms. Nice Laurel.

Some useful posts:
Rape Resistance, Not Rape Prevention (Hoyden About Town)
It's Not the Empty Street That Causes Rape (Hoyden About Town)

And, as an addition, here's something everyone should read:
Commentary from women about all the ways they curtail their lives just to feel safe (Shakesville)
And another: We live in a culture that condones abuse


Aug. 5th, 2009 05:09 pm (UTC)
*sigh* I think I just found another reason to be grateful for my crazy childhood. I just don't seem to have gotten the "normal" female socialization. (Not that this saved me from sexual abuse, it was just more subtle and insidious.) OTOH, my sister doesn't take any shit either, so maybe we're just a family of pushy bitches.

Reading the comments on how women curtail their lives...so many won't eat out alone because they get hit on and guys won't leave them alone. I used to eat out alone all the time though I can't afford it now. I was reasonably good looking and sometimes guys would try. Mostly I ignored 'em, and with ADD hyperfocus, I can REALLY ignore them. That usually worked. (Hey, without a formal introduction from a mutual acquaintance, they deserved the cut direct. I was not being rude, they were.) What I don't get emotionally is why after saying "Please go away." "Go away, right now." (No please if they persisted.)it wouldn't progress to "Excuse me, may I speak to the manager? This patron is bothering me and won't leave me alone." But then I never had any problem with making a scene either being a true drama queen. Guess I'll be making a few more if I see another women having this sort of problem.
Aug. 5th, 2009 11:31 pm (UTC)
Another interesting take on that problem is that my wife and I often eat out together. Not being alone doesn't actually help all that much - two women seems to entice that kind of man even more than one a lot of the time. Suddenly, intimate details of our relationship are expected to be public knowledge, and people [read, men, mostly, although the women with them are often as bad for some reason] seem very offended when I tell them that it's a private evening out and none of their business. There is a reason we only eat at one place, where we know the staff and can make the 'help' face when someone does want to listen.

If you're not obviously in a man's possession, it just isn't worth going out a lot of the time.

Latest Month

April 2017


Page Summary

Powered by LiveJournal.com