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Jun. 26th, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC)
From my father I learned that rape is the most heinous crime a person can commit.

I've tried to be That Guy since I was big enough . . . sometimes I've succeeded. Sometimes I've been misinterpreted.

I try.
Jun. 26th, 2009 09:34 pm (UTC)
Think you don't know anyone who has been raped?

If you read this blog, you do.

I was good right up until that - then I teared up. 'Cause there are too many of us, many of whom I didn't know were in that painful sisterhood until I started reading LJ. Thank you for the post.

A smile after the spate of rain, I've just reminded myself that my sons are "that guy"... I'm gonna have to remember to give them an extra hug next time I see them. I'm so lucky.
Jun. 26th, 2009 09:52 pm (UTC)
I don't talk about it because too many people choose to see me as a victim because of it (I was 16). I thought it was appropriate to say so here. :)
(no subject) - quatrefoil - Jun. 27th, 2009 04:37 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bronx_baroness - Jun. 28th, 2009 12:27 am (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 26th, 2009 09:51 pm (UTC)
linking. well said.

I know too many. *HUGS* for all of them.
Jun. 26th, 2009 10:05 pm (UTC)
And be The Guy that is supportive if you know that your loved one has been one of the 1 in 3 who have gone through it. I was molested by a professor at the college I went to, and have never been able to forget it. I've also been subject to date rape (I was too stoned/drunk to move but my insides were still screaming).

I blocked that one out until recently.

The thing that gets me is that, to this day, there's that little voice inside of me that says it was my fault. And finds it hard to trust anyone male. I count myself lucky that my long-forbearing husband loves me enough to stick with me and try his best to understand, especially during those all too-often times when I am having emotional flashbacks to those episodes in my life and find I don't want to be touched.

Be THAT Guy - not a guy (like a former husband) who said, "If you want to stay with me, you're going to have to get over that."
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 27th, 2009 04:18 am (UTC)
You may find some of the many comments to cereta's posts enlightening. Many women who are raped are curiously also not at frat parties or in third world countries. Among the places some of the women writing those comments were: at home, at a friend's house, at a relative's house, on a city bus, in a library, in a church.

Me, I'm one of the "lucky" ones, who wasn't actually raped. No, me, I had the grave error of judgement to be three years old and in my own fenced backyard when I was molested.

I do encourage you to read through at least a few pages of the comments. We need That Guy at the frat party and in the church and at the bar and in the library and during a raid in an online game and at the Moose lodge.
(no subject) - msmcknittington - Jun. 27th, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - popelizbet - Jun. 30th, 2009 01:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - attack_laurel - Jul. 1st, 2009 09:47 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - popelizbet - Jul. 1st, 2009 01:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 26th, 2009 11:12 pm (UTC)
As happens a lot with your posts I'm at a loss for words and often feel like I live a really sheltered life, because the kinds of situations described are ones I don't experience. The worst I ever deal with are idiots making rape jokes online (and gamer culture is hyper-macho, stupidly and disgustingly so, which makes no sense as the people involved in it tend to be as far from muscled bikers as you can imagine, heh) and that's from strangers, not friends (because there's no way anything like that would be tolerated in the circles I participate in).

But other than that? It's always so eye-opening (and scary) to see that people deal with this every day of their lives, or even one day out of the year which is already too often. I don't know if I'm obtuse and just don't see it happening around me, or I just happen to have friends and family who wouldn't tolerate anything like it.
Jun. 27th, 2009 01:58 am (UTC)
Yes - you say this so much better than I did.
Jun. 27th, 2009 06:31 am (UTC)
Linked here by a friend; for anyone who's read the comments down to this point, now you know three.

OP, thank you for this post.
Jun. 27th, 2009 06:33 am (UTC)
Thank you.
Jun. 27th, 2009 07:24 am (UTC)
As a beginning professional indexer, I have to say I love your icon. May I gank?
(no subject) - kittyblue - Jun. 27th, 2009 09:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 27th, 2009 09:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
Jun. 27th, 2009 11:13 pm (UTC)
cereta's post (and this one) were really hard to get through, because they made me realize that women who have not been raped, including myself, consider themselves "lucky" that they've only been hollered at in the street or had their bodies grabbed in public spaces against their will or had strange men say inappropriate things to them or done one of a million other little threatening things. How messed up is that? "Oh, I'm so lucky I've only had my ass grabbed in a bar and been asked if I like giving blowjobs by a perfect stranger." And then people brush things like that off as "no big deal" because it "happens to everyone". Um, it shouldn't.

It also made me realize how awesome my male friends who get it are. And how sad it is that the reason they're awesome is because they worry about their female friends being raped, because that is a real thing to worry about. That the unspoken part of "Let me walk you home," is "because I don't want you to be raped."

It makes me want to smash things.
Jun. 28th, 2009 12:25 am (UTC)
One of those women. Which is why I got my black belt when I was 25.
Jun. 28th, 2009 03:56 am (UTC)
Yes, it is sad that there are so many of us out here. Being a victim in childhood and early adulthood has left scars that will never go away. Stuffing those feelings has caused a life time of bad habits, memories that never go away and symptoms that are obvious to other who understand.

Thank you for posting this.
Jun. 28th, 2009 04:15 am (UTC)
(Hi. Here via dr_zrfq & bronx_baroness)

I also saw cereta's post on this subject. And I posted my thoughts here. But allow me to repeat here what I think may be the most important part:

After reflecting on this, it seems to me, the most important way I can think of to contribute to this cause is to teach my son that rape and/or sexual harassment is NOT "cool" or "ok" and to stand up and be one of that damn few.

And then that damn few grows just a little bit.

May we all find peace.

Edited at 2009-06-28 04:16 am (UTC)
Jun. 28th, 2009 03:49 pm (UTC)
It takes a lot of courage to come out and tell others of shit that happened to them when they were young. Our culture seems to sweep rape - whether it is a male raping a female or a male raping a male - we sweep it under the rug and ignore it - until it impacts us directly.

Thank you for raising the consciousness - like Donal posts elsewhere - many of us guys are raised to see rape as absolutely heinous. I think I am one of those guys who does the right thing.
Jun. 29th, 2009 03:55 pm (UTC)
Dear Tirloch:

Our culture doesn't simply "sweep it under the rug and ignore it". Being a rape and a sexual assault victim, I can tell you from personal experience that our culture does its damnedest to psychologically destroy that type of courage. The worst part about both of my encounters wasn't the physical act of being raped, it was how truly terrible people that I called friends (and even family in some cases) were to me about my rape after it happened.

I was called a slut...I was called a whore...I was called a bitch...I ASKED for it. "He would NEVER do that".

Our society simply cannot process the fact that evil of this magnitude walks right along with us in every social group. And, in response, people do their very best to not only pretend but to INSIST these things simply do not happen.

It took me over 10 years (and another episode with the man who raped me) to finally seek out counseling because I was told by everyone around me that it didn't happen, or if it did I'd asked for it.
(no subject) - atensibilla - Jun. 29th, 2009 03:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - stitchwhich - Jun. 29th, 2009 05:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - atensibilla - Jun. 29th, 2009 08:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
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