I want to thank
Why? Because we need you to be That Guy (read the post! I'll wait!). We need it so, so bad. For a good example on the web of That Guy, check out Richie at Crimitism, who has suffered the slings and arrows from speaking up, and came out, not only whole, but a better person at the end. We need you to be our supporters because the culture that sets women up as second best, that makes rape somehow about sex and "getting laid" instead of domination and subjugation (why do you think straight men rape in prison? Clue: It's not about sex), tells men that unless she's kicking and screaming she's consenting, and frames rape as "what women do wrong" instead of "what men do wrong", makes it impossible for women to speak and be heard. It's easy to dismiss a woman if you think of her as not fully human, but it's a little harder when your buds are saying "dude, that is not cool". We need you to be the one saying "dude, that is not cool".
Is it easy? Fuck no. But we want the men we love and like, the men who are our lovers and our friends, to have our backs. To see us as people worth defending. To be people we can trust to speak up for us when we are not being listened to. And sometimes, that means putting yourself in an uncomfortable position. But, as
I know some of you want to argue with me right now. That you're already stopping and hitting the "comment" button, and that you want to bring out the same arguments that come out every time I write about women's harassment, like this, and this, and this, and this. I'd like you to pause, though and think for a moment. Do you really think I've never heard any of the arguments before? Do you suppose that there's a happy place where women go to talk about this stuff where no-one ever tries to derail the argument into comments about tone, or how shit happens to men too, or that it's really not such a big deal because they don't think it is, so no-one else can, or that we're all being paranoid or over-reacting, or hysterical, or that it's a compliment when someone won't take no for an answer?
We hear this all our lives. From day one. As soon as the subject comes up, we hear it. Frequently, we don't even get to say our part, because someone is talking louder than us in an effort to get us to shut up about the icky subject. We're supposed to smile, and be sweet, and not cause problems. And if anyone says it isn't like that, I would remind you of the comments that come out of the woodwork any time a man people know is accused of doing something inappropriate - the comments of "it's not a big deal", "she didn't say no really loudly, so it's okay", "I've never seen that behaviour, so it can't have happened", "she's just a slut", "it's her fault for being provocative/drinking/wearing that" or the trump card of "they're making it up - women lie about this stuff all the time". All the comments designed to shut women up, and preserve the status quo.
Rape culture? We're swimming in it. And many, if not most, women are barely keeping their noses above water. Many drown. So, even though it's uncomfortable to think about, consider
One in three women. One in three. How many women do you know?
Think you don't know anyone who has been raped?
If you read this blog, you do.
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