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Tales of the farm

Bob will be tremendously gratified at the people who were happy that I did not kill him this weekend.


Okay, so we have this old kerosene tank on the property, right?  And we hauled it over by the woodshed so it was out of the way, you know?

Well, Bob had plans.  Sadly, these plans involved me, an automatic transmission truck, and long straps, since the tank was way too heavy to lift by himself.

For reference, the tank was invisible under the honeysuckle sort of overgrown, and next to this:

...which is an old truck bed that was made into a trailer by the previous owner.  This picture was taken a couple of years ago, and the whole area is even more overgrown now.

Bob managed to chop his way through to the tank, but couldn't move it.

This was about the time he had the suicidal bright idea that involved me.  He told me to get in the truck, he'd tie straps around the tank, and I'd pull it to freedom.  Simple right?

Idea Flaw #1:  I am somewhat inexperienced with the automatic transmission in the truck, and not very good with the whole "move gently and slowly" thing.

Idea Flaw #2:  I am too short to see over the hood of the truck, and the tank was invisible (until it reared up; more on that in a second).

Idea Flaw #3:  It's me he's trusting to do this.  I came by my nickname "Angel of Death" because I am dangerously clumsy (and not in a cute fake Bella from "Twilight" kind of way, but a "feed my allergic friend raw onions by accident and almost cause her to choke to death" way).

So.  I tried, I really did.  But the damn truck did nothing nothing nothing vrrrrrroooOOOOOMM HOLY COW, I'M KNOCKING BOB OVER OMG.  In more detail, I tried to pull it gently, and the entire damn thing reared up, jumped forward, and caught Bob, who went down, yelling "stop!".  Unused as I am to automatics, I pulled my foot off the accelerator.

Fuckin' thing kept moving.  Which was when I stabbed the brake.  !#$^%%$^!$^$!^$!****.

He was okay - he fell over because it caught his foot, and falling over seemed preferable to broken bones.  But the second time the truck jumped on me, I freaked out, told him to do it, and went and cried in the bedroom.

But everything was okay - except for the fact that the kerosene tank is still sort of standing where I left it.  I don't care; damn thing can sit there until someone other than me is willing to help Bob move it.

I'll be avoiding helping him with any projects that involve possible major bodily harm until I get survivor benefits.

Just kidding.  I still need to insure him against "accidental kerosene tank squashing".  Once I've got that, we'll be all set.

The woodshop, next to the tank - we had a sudden case of cows the day this picture was taken (JUne 2007, I think), but it passed without incident.




( 24 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )
Apr. 14th, 2009 12:12 am (UTC)
Tee hee hee hee hee! I'm glad Bob is alright, because now it's a funny story and not a scary one.

Does this infestation of cows happen often? I had no idea there were wild bovines in Virginia.
Apr. 14th, 2009 12:48 am (UTC)
I should edit this - the cows were from a couple of years ago, but highly entertaining. Sadly, we get infestations of hunting dogs and deer more often.
Apr. 14th, 2009 01:13 am (UTC)
We used to get infestations of goats in Charlottesville but that was due to the neighbors having crappy pens.

Glad you are both alright. Automatics transmission take a lot to get used to and the whole "not stopping when you take your foot off the gas" thing sucks! Scared me half to death the first time I drove one, I took my foot of the break and it started moving.
Apr. 14th, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
As long as that does not come along with an infestation of idiot shooting into your house, I am not worried. Then again, you could always up your spousal insurance and blame the 'gun accident' on a passing hunter....

KIDDING! Don't hurt me, step away from the kerosene tank!

Apr. 14th, 2009 12:25 am (UTC)
Yes...Glad Bob is okay, and that you also have seemed to recover from the shock. :)
Apr. 14th, 2009 12:36 am (UTC)
I will come and help the next time you are at the farm, I was in NC this week, but appear to be free until Paul gets back.........But then if I accidentally kill Bob you would be all sorts of fed up with me, so I might stick to drywalling.
Apr. 14th, 2009 12:36 am (UTC)
Scary stuff!
I'm relieved he's OK, but are you being plied with bonbons? You have been through a lot today!
Apr. 14th, 2009 01:06 am (UTC)
I'd be happy to help next time... I've accomplished all sorts of redneck-type stuff in my life and my friends and I have lived to tell the tales. :-D
Apr. 14th, 2009 02:16 am (UTC)
"and my friends and I have lived to tell the tales."

Or so you claim....

Apr. 14th, 2009 01:06 am (UTC)
dat cheeseburger not ripe yet
Apr. 14th, 2009 01:22 am (UTC)
I couriered forklift parts for a year... ahhhh the stories! Boys have interesting ideas when it comes to moving big things...

very glad you're both okay!
Apr. 14th, 2009 02:06 am (UTC)
I had an alarming incident with two pickup trucks, a winch, a sinkhole/quicksand, and 3 Indian stable hands when I lived in Bahrain.

Fortunately the only damage was to the quicksand which vomited its bile all over the trucks and the stable hands.
Apr. 14th, 2009 02:34 am (UTC)
Well, rats. If I was within driving distance, I'd volunteer to come and help with the heavy lifting. Years of working around horses have made me pretty tough and fairly useful - the decorative exterior is deceptive!

I am glad that BOTH of you are still in one piece.

Apr. 14th, 2009 04:21 am (UTC)
Ahaha, oh no! Poor you, poor Bob. I'm glad you both made it through unscathed.
Apr. 14th, 2009 04:26 am (UTC)
I am glad Bob is alright also. I do understand serious incidents that turn out funny later.... I hit my son with my car the day I brought him home from the hospital after having surgery on his foot (and he was on crutches).
Apr. 14th, 2009 12:29 pm (UTC)
oh. not good. I'm very happy that you're both ok. If I was closer I'd volunteer myself and Mike... we're both very good at moving the immovable.

We have infestations of deer up here. So much so that out of a 30' x 10' bank of daylillies we had only 1 flower last year. Yeah, and my mother wonder why I call them f'in vermin.

Edited at 2009-04-14 12:50 pm (UTC)
Apr. 14th, 2009 01:14 pm (UTC)
So I'm guessing asking you to help me move the propane tank covered in blackberry brambles behind my garage in the back 40 would be a bad thing, right?

I'm glad Bob is ok!
Apr. 14th, 2009 02:04 pm (UTC)
Only if I'm behind the wheel. :)
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 14th, 2009 07:32 pm (UTC)
See also: "Hey y'all, watch this!"
Apr. 14th, 2009 01:55 pm (UTC)
Yikes! That sounds scary, I'm glad he's okay.

I suppose I should learn to use the tractor one of these days but it's stories like this that scare me about it.

We've had neighbors' cattle get lose on occasion but the most hilarious animal-on-the-lose was the ostrich we found wandering around our farm one day.
Apr. 14th, 2009 03:21 pm (UTC)
Glad Bob is OK.

Hmmm, you could always tell him this was karma for waving those ittybitty Burger King things at you :)?
Apr. 14th, 2009 04:16 pm (UTC)
What are you guys planning on doing with the darn thing? I didn't know you guys were out last weekend, you should've called.

Gimme a heads up the next time you're out and I can lend a hand.
Apr. 14th, 2009 04:57 pm (UTC)
My dad gets feral pigs out it the wilds of suburban northern California (he's 15 minutes out of Oakland).

Apr. 20th, 2009 08:58 pm (UTC)
automatic transmission
Wow, we rejoiced because Mom got an automatic when she replaced her (1965 model) car because (at age 84) she no longer has the reflexes to handle a standard trans in traffic . . . H'mmm. I never realized anybody'd find an automatic more complicated than a manual! Something new to think about; good thing she always two-foots the brake and accelerator. Glad everyone's OK.

Oh, irruptions of cows are not uncommon in farming country. We had those a couple times, when we lived in eastern Washington. And a wandering horse, once.

( 24 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )

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