attack_laurel (attack_laurel) wrote,
attack_laurel
attack_laurel

Why is bacon bad, again?

I am a fatphobe.

I fear and hate fat. I'm scared of icky fat people, and terrified of getting fat myself. I treat fat people like their fat is contagious, and I attribute all sorts of negative traits to fat people. I stare at fat people in restaurants and sometimes I walk up to them and lecture them on how unhealthy they are for having the nerve to eat out in public. I make faces at fat people behind their backs, and make jokes about fat people, because fat people are inherently funny. Gross, but funny.

I'm so glad I live in a country that hates fat as much as I do, because I can't tell you how much it hurts my delicate sensibilities to have to look at fatty fatty fat-faces and not scream at them "you're ugly! Why don't you just go hide in shame?!" (and sometimes, I just go ahead and do it , because they should). It's perfectly natural that we should hate such a terribly unhealthy state of being - after all, all those fatties need to do is get off the sofa, stop stuffing Krispy Kreme in their mouths, and go for a walk! It's simple! The only reason everyone isn't thin is because they're lazy!

Ooooh, I get so mad when I read those fat-apologists, with their "statistics" that say being underweight is actually less healthy than being a bit overweight[1]. Come on - why would all the doctors be obsessed with the current obesity epidemic[2] if it wasn't true? Fat is bad, fat is evil - we should all be trying to look like store mannequins, because everyone knows that thin people are always healthy, and mannequins are our body ideal, so we should alter our bodies (surgically, if neccessary) to look like them.

And, honestly, fat should be outlawed just because it's ugly. All these special-interest groups that insist their feelings shouldn't be hurt by mean people have the right idea - fat people offend me, and I should not have to go through life constantly offended. I mean, it's not like I can close my eyes when I'm walking around! And fat people should be banned from restaurants, like drunks are refused bar service. It's for their own good[3].

Losing weight is easy! And we know that fat is the leading cause of health problems today[4], so we're just doing those gross fatties a favour when we humiliate them in public. They raise my health care costs[5], they cause more pollution[6], and they're UGLY. Because fat is ugly. Curves are ugly. Muffin-top is ugly. Big people clothes are ugly, and I should be allowed to tell them this all day long, because without my help[7], how are they ever going to realize that they'd be happier thin? Because everyone's happier and healthier when they're a size 4, right?

In fact, I just had a great idea! Let's assign every fat person (and by fat person, I mean everyone 1lb or more over their ideal weight according to the size/weight charts)[8] a "coach" who will follow them around and make sure they never, ever eat anything in public! To make absolutely sure that they totally realize what a burden they are being to the rest of society by their presence, the "coach" will also walk behind them on the street and yell "you're fat!" at ten-second intervals throughout the day. People should start losing weight in no time![9]

And fat people? Don't you dare listen to the people that suggest being a bit overweight is no big deal! You may think that extra five pounds isn't a problem, but before you know it, you'll be ugly and fat and no-one will want you! There are some irresponsible doctors out there who think that obesity is a symptom of diabetes[10], not the cause, and therefore being overweight is not your fault! How dare they!!!! It's common knowledge that all it takes to lose weight is to eat less and excercise more[11]!

And we all know that fat is oooogley. The only beautiful people are stick-thin. Bones are beautiful, people! Those curves are a total turn-off for any red-blooded American Man, and all you have to do to see this is true is read the comments sections of anything on the Internet[12]. Why would anyone want to be seen with a fatty when everyone knows that all men deserve a supermodel, and women who fail to meet that ideal are, by default, fat? Come on, people - admit it! You're fat-phobic, too!

It's okay to hate fat people[13], they're bringing it on themselves by having the temerity to be overweight by our [14] standards. There is only one standard of beauty, and everyone has to shoe-horn themselves into it, or else they're just not trying. I'm right, you know I'm right - all you have to do is read any editorial in any newspaper, on-line or off, to know that we're in the middle of the worst thing to ever happen to the human race - fat![15]

So it's okay to hate the fat. Really, you're doing everyone a favour when you point out (loudly) how awful they are for being fat. Fat is totally an indicator of moral worth - only thin people are good and nice. We know this because the fat itself actually changes people and makes them lazy, gluttonous, smelly, ugly losers. Remember: Thin people are never, ever bad. Thinness is a completely reliable indicator of someone's honesty and integrity.

You know it's true.

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Okay, okay! April Fool!

Fat-haters suck.

[1] This statistic is true - the height-weight charts so beloved by anti fat people consistently fail to mention that the mortality rate for underweight people is higher than the mortality rate for moderately overweight people. Now, we all know statistics are dodgy little suckers, but if you're going to push one part of a statistical group as gospel, it's blatant dishonesty to skip the other part just because it doesn't support your bias. Keep in mind, too, that the height-weight charts aren't an indicator of health, or even a healthy weight, they're simply (poorly-collected) data on the correlation between weight and mortality. I can go on about this for hours.

[2] This phrase should be in scare quotes. There is no obesity epidemic. Really. Even my anecdotal evidence (charmingly known as "anecdata" in research circles), i.e., standing in populated areas and counting fat people going by, shows far fewer seriously overweight people than the evening news would have us believe. Yes, even in Denny's.

[3] This was actually said by someone in the comment thread of a ridiculous Australian article that said size 14 people (women) are ugly, and everyone should just lose weight. I think my eyes rolled so far back in my head I saw brain matter.

[4], [5], [6] Not true. Not proven, not even properly statistically studied.

[7] Because obviously, overweight people have no idea they're overweight if someone isn't telling them so every second. (/sarcasm)

[8] There are a bunch of people that think this. Clearly, they are appalling human beings.

[9] Starting with the dead weight that is their "coach". I recommend shoving them in front of a truck. That's at least 120lbs lost, right there, with no dieting and the minimum of exercise.

[10] Abstract here. Sadly, too many people prefer to believe that obesity is the cause, even though a significantly large number of overweight and obese people do not develop diabetes, which no-one ever bothers to mention in those ridiculously poorly-informed "news" shows about diabetes and obesity. Other conditions, like PCOS and cortisol disorders, cause weight gain, as do a large number of medications, so why is diabetes different? The link between overweight and health problems is poorly understood. The other thing that isn't clearly said is that any health problems start at significant overweight, not the 15-20lbs that most people think they need to lose. In any case, yo-yo dieting is a lot more dangerous than simply being 10lbs "overweight".

[11] Um, yeah, no. If it was that easy, no-one would be overweight, especially in a weight obsessed culture like ours (think about it - if everyone is screaming at you that thin is the only way to be beautiful, would you choose to be fat? Most people would not). Some people (I am one of them) may be lucky enough to be able to control their weight with fairly little effort, but the overwhelming failure rate of diets indicates that something much more complicated than "eat less, exercise more" is at work for most people. But why spoil a good hate with some awkward facts?

[12] Not recommended.

[13] Oh, for fuck's sake. If you believe this, I do not want to know you. p.s. You suck and are a horrible person.

[14] Completely arbitrary

[15] Unfortunately, this is true. Stay away from ill-informed and bigoted Op-Ed sections.

For more insight into what it's like to be a physical non-conformist, check out NAAFA, Mary Mc's Fat Acceptance Stuff, and Shapely Prose. And  here is the idiot article that inspired the "fat people should be refused restaurant service" comment.

The hate, it is alive and well, and working on a number of false assumptions, not least the one that thin people are always healthier. I like being thin, but I'm really, really vain, and I have to admit that I was in better shape when I was heavier. I hurt less, anyway.  And that's no April Fool, though it sometimes feels like it.

Irony - it's what's for breakfast.
Tags: april fool, blah blah blah, fat, hate, rant, shenanigans
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