attack_laurel (attack_laurel) wrote,
attack_laurel
attack_laurel

Bah.

(This bit has a metric ton of some swearing in it)

Well, fuck.

I've decided the Lyrica is not worth the aggravation the side-effects cause. I've given it every chance, and I was so hopeful for it, but it's not living up to its end of the bargain. I am unable to lose weight, dry-mouthed, dry-skinned, hungry constantly, irritated, and now it's starting to fuck with my brain chemistry, and I'm starting to feel the same level of depression I got on the Ultram, except now I'm fat and depressed, instead of nauseated and depressed.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

I'm giving up on anything except the damn coedine - at least with that, the brain-fucking is minimal, the side-effects are minimal, and the pain goes away for a bit. I don't want anything else playing silly buggers with my sanity, and can I just put it out there that I AM NOT FUCKING DEPRESSED, WOULD EVERY DOCTOR I SEE STOP TRYING TO PUT ME ON ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, PLEASE?!!!!!!!!.
 
SON OF A BITCH, THAT PISSES ME OFF SOMETHING AWFUL.

No, don't even dare put something in the comments about how anti-depressants help with some kinds of pain - they may help some people, but they have the opposite effect on me, because my serotonin levels are working properly. I have been depressed, and I know when it's the medication fucking with me, and when it's my brain fucking with me, and my brain and I have been on excellent terms since I was in my mid-twenties.  I sympathize deeply with people that are depressed, but I'm not one of them.

Why, oh WHY do the doctors I see keep trying to put me on anti-depressants? I get it all the time - not all unidentifiable pain is depression-related, and you know what works the best? The rather expensive (but not as expensive as the fucking Lyrica - OMG) anti-inflammatory medicated sticky patches I stick on my arms. They don't solve it, but they work better than anything else, and oh, BLOODY HELL AND DAMNATION, I wanted the Lyrica to work, I wanted it to work so much.
 
(Emotional about face!)

I am very, very ready for Spring - I loves me some pretty, pretty flowers. On the other hand, I could use an extra month or so to work on stuff - I keep adding to my list. I do rather need to get to work on some of that list, but I have been doing such fun things as buying a new truck, buying flooring for the house, and generally "stimulating the economy" (I believe that's the current euphemism for "spending money like water"). When we weren't out buying big-ticket items (it's a really nice used F-150, btw), I was curled up on the sofa drawing samples for embroidery.

So, I'm getting some things done, but they weren't on the list, except in a rather abstract way.

And that's what you get for the moment. I'll take some pictures of the stuff I bought over the weekend and show you this evening.

Oh, except for book plug: cleolinda 's book Cut! Movies in 15 Minutes arrived on my doorstep Friday, and it is screamingly funny. Y'all really, really should buy it.
Tags: books, disappointed, medical, rant, state of the me
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