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The Enormous Silent Epidemic

What was I saying about Twitter-style posts?  But seriously now...

From shangy_feminism (and the ever-awesomepopelizbet), this is a link to an incredible article I think everyone should know about and read:


Thanks for taking the time, if you do read it. For some people, this will be a timely read.  *Warning:  triggery* and for some, NSFW (text only).


( 25 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )
Jan. 13th, 2009 08:10 pm (UTC)
I think I understand your timing of these posts. ;)

I didn't testify against my first, long ago.

I did against my second, and I was the voice for scores of the silent.

May there never be a need again.
Jan. 13th, 2009 08:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you.

I'm posting this to my LJ as well.
Jan. 13th, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC)
I love the icon... has major icon envy... may I have?
Jan. 13th, 2009 08:41 pm (UTC)
Re: OMG!
You may. Please credit me, thanks! :)
Jan. 13th, 2009 08:42 pm (UTC)
Re: OMG!
that was a most wonder ful post.. I'm posting this to my LJ as well.
Jan. 13th, 2009 09:13 pm (UTC)
I posted this link to my Facebook account directly, and tagged a number of my friends who are attending University...
Jan. 13th, 2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you for posting, I thought about your post regarding startlingly pushy men's behavior when I read this a week or so ago: One always has to wonder when things like that are simply a man’s inability to read a situation for appropriate helpfulness vs. a man’s desire to see how far he can get without the woman protesting. *shudder*
Jan. 13th, 2009 09:47 pm (UTC)
Many men, revoltingly, seem to see women as things not people. You don't ask a toaster if it's okay for you to shove a couple of slices of bread into it, after all, because that's what a toaster was made for. Even if toasters could talk, no one would be much interested in their opinions. They are things and meant to serve.

I watch this in action all the time with my girlfriend. She's very lovely, young, generously endowed and charming of personality. Oh, and blonde. I constantly watch men meet her, find out that she and I are a couple, and then proceed to attempt to find out if there's a chance they might get her into bed anyway. Sometimes, they pull this crap right in front of me in a way they NEVER would if she were with a man who happened to be sitting right there. The implied attitude is very much a tacit respect for another man's "property rights" but a cursory dismissal of any relationship with another woman. Things can't own things, after all. Only men are really People who can own Things. Women are meant to be owned. It's cute that some of them think they can own another Thing, and it's hot if you can get them to let you watch, but it's nothing to take seriously if a man decides he wants what she has.

I won't even get into the lack of comprehension many men display when you try to explain to them that the concept of "ownership" doesn't really enter into it. You might as well be speaking Urdu. I have actually had to feign jealous territoriality to get some of them to back off.

There are notable exceptions, but, on the whole, heterosexual men suck. I've also seen a very strong correlation between the above noted behavior and homophobia against gay men. Because, you know, People should NEVER act like Things. That's just wrong!

Ahem... I seem to have gotten off on a Wobbly here.
Jan. 13th, 2009 10:06 pm (UTC)
I wish I could say I have only seen this behavior in men, but I can’t. Although I will agree that it is more common in heterosexual men, I worked for years with a highly aggressive lesbian who displayed many behaviors that I would have flat out called assault if they had been carried out by a man of the same age and bearing.

And yet for some reason, I think she felt it was OK for her to do it because she *wasn’t* a guy and therefore wasn’t getting judged by the same standards. In fact, most of her fellow staff members took her behavior with what can only be called a *HUGE* grain of salt because she was, generally, a generous and nice person.

Those that didn’t were tended to get a ration of crap from other workers because, “She isn’t going to do anything *serious*, come on!”

How jacked up is that?
Jan. 13th, 2009 10:10 pm (UTC)
I think I've run across two women that bad *ever*. Men? I lost count before I hit 20.
Jan. 13th, 2009 10:14 pm (UTC)
Oh I agree, it is *much* more common in men!
Jan. 13th, 2009 11:59 pm (UTC)
but it's worth saying, Wobbly or not..
Jan. 13th, 2009 09:57 pm (UTC)
Thank You. This is definitely something that needs to brought out into the open more.
Jan. 13th, 2009 10:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
Jan. 13th, 2009 10:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks for posting this link.
I've saved the link, so that I can have my daughter read it when she is older (she's only three now). I've been attacked with two "not rapes" when I was in middle school, one from a high school kid, and the other from an adult who was the father of my friends who had moved away. I told my parents both times, and they did what they could to protect me. But I had little to hold the high school kid, although my dad talked to him about ever being near me again. My dad was intimidating, and he knew lots of policemen. The guy never came near me again, even in high school. The adult ran off with our butcher knife and was never seen again. I don't know what my dad did on filing charges.

But we do need to teach our daughters not only about rape, but about all the possible problems on the not rape situation. And then listen to them and do all we can for them should something happen to them.
Jan. 14th, 2009 12:09 am (UTC)
That's just terrifying. Bad enough to happen to ANYONE, but... 11-year-olds? Part of me wants to say that I'm dead certain nothing like that EVER happened where I went to school (but I'm from sheltered hicksville where nobody got pregnant in high school, nobody had boyfriends who were more than a year or two older than them and even that was a scandal, and if they had the whole town would have known) but the rest of me says I can't know that, not for certain.

Just... damn.
Jan. 14th, 2009 01:37 am (UTC)
Thank You for Posting This Link
As a person who has experienced the Not Rape, I'm glad to see someone come forward to put into words exactly what it is and how it hurts women.

As a parent of a 9 year-old daughter, I have the responsibility to educate her so that she can avoid the pitfalls in the article. And this article gives me some of the situations that may occur.

And thank you so very much for sharing this with us.
Jan. 14th, 2009 02:51 am (UTC)
Thanks for posting this link.

Although it's hard, I'm sharing it with my 11yo daughter. The fact is that the world won't wait for us to be ready to discuss these things.

Jan. 14th, 2009 04:10 am (UTC)
Thank you
It's nice to be reminded I'm not alone. Also, it bothers me that that article wouldn't be safe for work somewhere.
Jan. 14th, 2009 07:16 am (UTC)
Thanks for re-posting this.

FYI, though, we're shangy_feminism home of shangy feminists and gnarlyfems. ;D
Jan. 14th, 2009 11:07 am (UTC)
I always get the name mixed up, even when I'm looking right at it - so I posted a direct link. :)
Jan. 14th, 2009 02:17 pm (UTC)

Now I'm wondering if I need to take "shangyfeminism" just in case. :D
Jan. 14th, 2009 11:09 am (UTC)
...aaaaaaaand, fixed now. Man, my observation skills are going downhill. :)
Jan. 14th, 2009 11:05 am (UTC)
While we need to teach our daughers (and neices in my case) about Not Rape, we need to teach our sons (and nephews) about respect. Pop culture is very powerful and I'm not sure - not having kids of my own - how parents can counter that. It's got to be very difficult.

But both sexes need the education about respect. Self respect and respect for others.
Jan. 18th, 2009 08:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you for posting this . . . a wonderfully articulate piece!

( 25 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )

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