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What the beep?


Work?  Killing me.  Killing meeeeeeeee.

That's why you have to wait for good entries until I get home.  Believe me, I'd much rather be sitting here thinking up witty things to write.  I don't even get to sit at my desk - I get to sit in a freezing cold room at a computer with no internet access.

The horror.  The horror.

Some people complain about how plugged in we all are; I disagree. WTOP news radio had a spot on how all internet-linked devices are being banned from meetings, because the constant texting, twittering (and resultant giggling) was disrupting productivity.

To hell with productivity, says the woman with a Wednesday deadline.  Give me my internet, and stop blocking random sites, dammit.  For some reason, I can click on random internet pR0n sites, but my friends list is blocked.  Bah.

The future is connectivity.  Yes, tweets as blog entries can be a bit boring, and most people haven't worked out yet that they're not funny enough to distill whatever it is that amused them so much into a single brilliant sentence, but this is the way of the future.  Fred in Accounting used to be compelled to search you out and tell you whatever unfunny thing managed to force its way through the primordial ooze of his frontal cortex; now he can post his tweets to his blog and leave you alone.

Oh, the blessed, blessed quiet of an office full of people gossiping online instead of right outside my door.  I can hit delete, but when I hit the person telling (for the third time) their wildly unamusing story of what their kids did this weekend, everyone calls it assault.  See the improvement technology makes in everyone's lives?

Someone who is texting is someone who is not bogging down the meeting with inane questions.  It's not like you need most of these people at the meeting anyway; Bob from Development has forced his entire subsection to come to suck up to the boss, and the senior management people are counting the seconds until they can leave and get some actual work done (on the golf course).  Meetings are productivity's Kryptonite; why not get something done by text while you're imprisoned for three hours?  It beats stabbing yourself in the thigh (repeatedly) with a pen to stay awake.

In fact, more gets done when you weed out the useless people who send irate messages to the entire company about how they want to unsubscribe from someone's mailing list, and go into long diatribes outside your cubicle about how the name brand sticky notes are better.  Give them all Blackberries, and shut them in a room somewhere.

Disable the sound first. 

We don't want anyone realizing where we hid them.

Comments

( 17 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )
dkountz81
Dec. 22nd, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC)
damn skippy.
kass_rants
Dec. 22nd, 2008 05:41 pm (UTC)
...but when I hit the person telling (for the third time) their wildly unamusing story of what their kids did this weekend, everyone calls it assault.

What do you think got me thrown out of Corporate America? ;)
hugh_mannity
Dec. 22nd, 2008 05:48 pm (UTC)
Why do you think I knit at work?

I take my Palm Pilot into meetings (my VP would have conniptions if I knit and his are the only meetings I can't avoid). It doesn't have internet access, but it does have ebooks. About 40 of them. I can read happily and quietly with 1/2 an ear to the meeting (in case I need to speak) without feeling a need to kill people slowly and painfully.


hsifeng
Dec. 22nd, 2008 05:52 pm (UTC)
*chuckle* During a recent site review, the main site coordinator kept jumping up from the table to make (or take) cell phone calls. Whenever he was finished, he’d run back in and ask some pointless question to “prove he was paying attention and helping move the meeting along”.

….

Needless to say, the visit took an extra two hours because of these antics and we would have ALL been better off if he had been locked in a room with his Blackberry.

But first we would need to convince middle managers that they aren’t the center of the universe and that their random input doesn’t help anyone. *gack!*
tradarcher
Dec. 22nd, 2008 06:02 pm (UTC)
By reading the comments and your entry, I see that Dilbert is alive and going strong.
BTW, my wife knits, almost all the time. She said:"She knits so she doesn't kill anyone. Quit bothering her with your stupid statements. I have 2 sharp and pointed objects."
femkederoas
Dec. 22nd, 2008 06:34 pm (UTC)
*snerk* Ain't it jist, though?

You'd think they'd prefer most people to be tuning out. I used to be able to take notes in vet school AND surf the web simultaneously. Often with ICQ or a chat window open. Now, often we'd be lampooning the lecturer. But at least we were paying attention. So much so that one of my classmates published a list of all of the "mis-speakings" of each semester. Which could be hysterically funny.

Beware the alert! They are where the danger lies.

Dad once attended a meeting where he was trying to point out the flaws in The Plan(TM). Eventually, the Lt. Governor told him that he was too negative and he needed to either shut up or leave. So he left. She chased him down afterwards, and to his surprise, recommended Anger Management Counseling. His reply, "I wasn't angry. You gave me two options. I exercised one." *snorfle*
vom_schwarzwald
Dec. 22nd, 2008 06:37 pm (UTC)
Hehehe. I like the story about your Dad. I was in a similar situation where I heard I was too negative and I replied "I prefer the term realistic, given I have run these measurements before and you haven't."

heh.
florentinescot
Dec. 22nd, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC)
I had a student who texted (and talked) her way through the entire semester -- and just didn't get why she didn't get it at all.

Bless her pretty little blonde heart.
soldiergrrrl
Dec. 22nd, 2008 07:21 pm (UTC)
Hey! I resemble that remark!

;-) Not really, but I swear blonde jokes are based in reality...
florentinescot
Dec. 22nd, 2008 07:36 pm (UTC)
Well, I will say that not all of the blondes that I know are complete ditzes -- but the ones that are ...... are so blonde

Happy Birthday!
hsifeng
Dec. 22nd, 2008 10:19 pm (UTC)
My teacher from last semester’s course in German put it in the syllabus: “If your cell phone rings while you are in class, you clearly have something more important to be doing. Please pick up your things and go. You will receive no participation points for that day.” In practice, he was a bit less of a hard ass; but no one got the mistaken impression that it was “OK” to take calls in his class.

I personally liked it and left my cell in my car before heading in to lecture.
florentinescot
Dec. 22nd, 2008 10:32 pm (UTC)
nods. I like that wording. I just might use it. But yeah, I'm gonna be a hard-ass about it next semester because of the abuses of one student. :-( I understand emergencies -- that's a whole different, excusable matter.
myladyswardrobe
Dec. 22nd, 2008 07:17 pm (UTC)
This is where a split site company comes in useful as meetings invariably end up as audio ones so, one can be doing something else whilst in the meeting!

When I was on my graduate program, there was one video we were expected to watch John Cleese's "Meetings, Bloody Meetings". Brilliant program and I think all managers should be forced to watch it EVERY month!

Inane meetings will soon stop!
helblonde
Dec. 22nd, 2008 07:28 pm (UTC)
As the Demotivators say:

MEETINGS
None of us is as dumb as all of us.

There's nothing worse than a meeting with no interwebs, unless it's being asked to take notes at a meeting with no interwebs with your boss sitting right next to you. Oddly, no one appreciates having the minutes handed out ahead of the meeting, "no decisions were made. No deadlines were agreed to. Appropriate progress is being made by people who actually do the work."
xrian
Dec. 22nd, 2008 07:34 pm (UTC)
I am not allowed to knit, ever, in meetings at work. That's because it is, and I quote, "unprofessional." {rolls eyes}

And doodling in the margins of my notebook isn't? {sigh}
nq3x
Dec. 22nd, 2008 08:30 pm (UTC)
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.

People who enjoy meetings should not be in charge of anything.

A meeting moves at the speed of the slowest mind in the room. In other words, all but one participant will be bored, all but one mind underused.

A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted.

And my personal favourite: Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.

Ta!
nobarking
Dec. 23rd, 2008 01:16 am (UTC)
I sooooo agree. So so so. It took me a year of fighting with my general manager to get my computer at work internet-enabled (meanwhile I'd figured out how to do it myself 6 months before that) because I actually needed to research nonsense online and half our client databases were online.

Naturally, as soon as I had net access I spent good portions of my day reading LJ, gaming news communities and my mail. I never got annoyed at anyone under me figuring out how to get around the net security so long as they were A: Productive and B: Not causing us all to lose our jobs. The only person I ever got fired over it was trying (and badly failing) to surreptitiously watch porn and uh... enjoy it. In an open office of 100 people. With no cubicles, just big long workdesks. He wasn't even in a CORNER.

Someday, people will figure out what's ok to do at work and what's meant for home, but I'm pretty sure 99% of those people will not work in my field. Sigh.

Meanwhile the most efficient projects I've ever worked on had me and the devs in AIM or ICQ bouncing stuff back and forth instead of filing hundreds of redundant bug reports. We'd be done builds in DAYS instead of WEEKS that way!
( 17 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )

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