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Bah.

(This bit has a metric ton of some swearing in it)

Well, fuck.

I've decided the Lyrica is not worth the aggravation the side-effects cause. I've given it every chance, and I was so hopeful for it, but it's not living up to its end of the bargain. I am unable to lose weight, dry-mouthed, dry-skinned, hungry constantly, irritated, and now it's starting to fuck with my brain chemistry, and I'm starting to feel the same level of depression I got on the Ultram, except now I'm fat and depressed, instead of nauseated and depressed.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

I'm giving up on anything except the damn coedine - at least with that, the brain-fucking is minimal, the side-effects are minimal, and the pain goes away for a bit. I don't want anything else playing silly buggers with my sanity, and can I just put it out there that I AM NOT FUCKING DEPRESSED, WOULD EVERY DOCTOR I SEE STOP TRYING TO PUT ME ON ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, PLEASE?!!!!!!!!.
 
SON OF A BITCH, THAT PISSES ME OFF SOMETHING AWFUL.

No, don't even dare put something in the comments about how anti-depressants help with some kinds of pain - they may help some people, but they have the opposite effect on me, because my serotonin levels are working properly. I have been depressed, and I know when it's the medication fucking with me, and when it's my brain fucking with me, and my brain and I have been on excellent terms since I was in my mid-twenties.  I sympathize deeply with people that are depressed, but I'm not one of them.

Why, oh WHY do the doctors I see keep trying to put me on anti-depressants? I get it all the time - not all unidentifiable pain is depression-related, and you know what works the best? The rather expensive (but not as expensive as the fucking Lyrica - OMG) anti-inflammatory medicated sticky patches I stick on my arms. They don't solve it, but they work better than anything else, and oh, BLOODY HELL AND DAMNATION, I wanted the Lyrica to work, I wanted it to work so much.
 
(Emotional about face!)

I am very, very ready for Spring - I loves me some pretty, pretty flowers. On the other hand, I could use an extra month or so to work on stuff - I keep adding to my list. I do rather need to get to work on some of that list, but I have been doing such fun things as buying a new truck, buying flooring for the house, and generally "stimulating the economy" (I believe that's the current euphemism for "spending money like water"). When we weren't out buying big-ticket items (it's a really nice used F-150, btw), I was curled up on the sofa drawing samples for embroidery.

So, I'm getting some things done, but they weren't on the list, except in a rather abstract way.

And that's what you get for the moment. I'll take some pictures of the stuff I bought over the weekend and show you this evening.

Oh, except for book plug: cleolinda 's book Cut! Movies in 15 Minutes arrived on my doorstep Friday, and it is screamingly funny. Y'all really, really should buy it.

Comments

( 38 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )
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akgnome
Feb. 9th, 2009 01:43 pm (UTC)
which movies are this the book? is it the second book or the first one?
attack_laurel
Feb. 9th, 2009 01:45 pm (UTC)
First one - it's got the LoTR trilogy in it. I'm pimping. :)
(no subject) - akgnome - Feb. 9th, 2009 02:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
tacnukesoul
Feb. 9th, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC)
I feel your pain on the whole depression thing - I know I have "little d" depression, being that life is in a sucky patch right, I don't know if I have "big d" Depression.

I do know that all the scrips they've thrown at me so far seem to have done nothing useful. I've a referral on my dresser for another headshrinker but I get tired of it.

Prescriptions for brain medicine seem to be darts thrown at a dart board in the dark - they might as well pull out the beak masks and leeches. Still, sometimes they get it right and it's really worth it, at least for my friends.
attack_laurel
Feb. 9th, 2009 02:43 pm (UTC)
Brain chemistry is such a weird thing - most ADs work on big D depression because they play with the absorbtion of serotonin (hence SSRI), but situational depression seems to respond to cognitive therapy as well (according to some evidence we've been studying), and there may be cases where it works better (changing the emotional response, rather than trying to dull it).

I'm a fan of cognitive therapy for the little d stuff, because it gives the person immediate tools to work with, rather than hoping this drug or that drug will dull negative emotional response. But honestly, dart-board is all it really is. :(
Re: anti-depressants - _medb_ - Feb. 9th, 2009 06:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
evil_fionn
Feb. 9th, 2009 02:04 pm (UTC)
anti-depressants
They want to put you on anti-depressants because honestly... that's what quite a few women who walk into the doctor's office want to be given. Don't you wanna have the diagnosis of the week and be oh-so-trendy as well?
Sad fact... when they started advertising anti-d's on television, in women's magazines, etc, the number of women diagnosed with depression related issues jumped. There are quite a few women who will enter the office and tell the doctor what is "wrong" with them, and demand to be treated for it. Sometimes, it's easier (I'm not saying Moral or right) for the doc to give in. I've been in on some of those conversations between patients and doctors where the patient is self-diagnosing... they usually go very badly when the doctor tells the patient, "I really don't think that's your problem. I will not treat you for this." Much yelling and screaming and crying ensues. The doc explains. The patient contradicts. The doc still refuses. The patient leaves and goes and finds someone who will diagnose them with the flavor-of-the-week.
But I do offer you my sincere appreciation for you knowing your own body so well. Most don't.
mistressrhi
Feb. 9th, 2009 05:44 pm (UTC)
Re: anti-depressants
Heh. You'd be amused by my doctor's appointments. I go in. I explain all the issues I've been having. He suggests a selection of medications. I say, "No, I don't want those. They all have big potential bad." He suggests surgical options. Nope, that's a last resort in my book. We stare at each other for a minute, then he says, "Well, what do you suggest?" and I reply, "I dunno. I just figured you ought to be kept informed..."

My issues aren't depression-related, but feminine, so we tried a pelvic ultrasound most recently. Nothing found (which is both good and bad), but I'd pass on that too, if you're ever offered...
Re: anti-depressants - evil_fionn - Feb. 9th, 2009 06:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: anti-depressants - mistressrhi - Feb. 9th, 2009 06:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: anti-depressants - evil_fionn - Feb. 9th, 2009 06:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
eithni
Feb. 9th, 2009 02:04 pm (UTC)
Have you tried gabapentin (Neurontin)? It's an older drug related to Lyrica, but many people find it very effective. And it's an anticonvulsant (epilepsy drug), not an antidepressant. ;)
attack_laurel
Feb. 9th, 2009 02:45 pm (UTC)
Neurontin nearly killed me - I was so depressed I couldn't eat for weeks on end.

I know this lot are in the anti-epileptic class, which is why I was willing to give them a try, but they aren't working. :(
(no subject) - eithni - Feb. 9th, 2009 02:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - attack_laurel - Feb. 9th, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
maricelt
Feb. 9th, 2009 02:04 pm (UTC)
I suspect your Drs. are doing the "treat the side effect" thing, rather than saying... Oh, well... maybe this isn't the thing for you. They probably know that the Lyrica f*s with the brain chemistry, and so their reaction is to prescribe something else to counter it.

Sometimes Western medicine is so fricking controlled by the pharmaceutical industry... It's hard to find a Dr. willing to think on their own.
elizabethnmafia
Feb. 9th, 2009 02:29 pm (UTC)
I'm really sorry the Lyrica isn't working out as well as you had hoped. :(

I hear you about being ready for Spring. It was 70 in Raleigh this weekend and I loved every minute of it. :)
maricelt
Feb. 9th, 2009 02:48 pm (UTC)
I am so jealous. :> I used to live in Chapel Hill, and man, do I miss it.
alphafemale1
Feb. 9th, 2009 02:39 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry the meds aren't working, but I'm glad you have the strength of mind to be honest about what you need. :)
zihuatanejo
Feb. 9th, 2009 02:44 pm (UTC)
That is the suck. If you ever need a hookup, let me or Wistric know. I've usually got extra and am willing to share.

There are mystery bulbs popping up in my yard. We bought the house at the end of last summer, so I'm very excited to see what actually grows in it!
pinkleader
Feb. 9th, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC)
Happy Happy daffodils! Can't wait!

(stupid f'ing medicine and un-curable pain! I had hoped the Lyrica might work. Back to massage and codeine?)

Spring glorious Spring, we sat outside and read yesterday while the pup sniffed and ran all over the backyard for an hour or more.
attack_laurel
Feb. 9th, 2009 03:15 pm (UTC)
Hee. :) I think I just need to start wearing the patches 24/7 for a while (I've been doing it only when the pain's been bad so far) and stick with what I know works. My insurance company will be happy, since the coedine costs them $100 a scrip, while the Lyrica costs something like $500.

I'm seeing my Dr. on the 27th - we'll talk then. :)
mistressrhi
Feb. 9th, 2009 05:45 pm (UTC)
I fucking sympathize.
trystbat
Feb. 9th, 2009 05:58 pm (UTC)
My mom was on almost-illegal levels of barbiturates for most of her life due to migraines (it's a good thing she was never a drinker!), until Imitrex came along. I was headed down that same road, & I praise science for the cocktail of drugs that keeps me from being cloistered in a darkened room (or being all Valley of the Dolls ;-). But yeah, pain 'n brain meds are a crapshoot. And it all changes too -- what worked on me in my 20s didn't in my 30s. Gah!
malvoisine
Feb. 9th, 2009 06:19 pm (UTC)
Feeling your pain. I went to the OB/Gyn last summer for horrible periods, chronic anemia etc. They decided it was a hormonal imbalance/possible early menopause and put me on birth control. So now, after 8 months, my periods are just as bad, I've gained 10 lbs and my PMS is worse (I almost killed my husband last week and we are NOT that couple, nor do I wish to be on the evening news for killing my husband with an axe because of a hormonal imbalance, sigh....[if I kill my husband - want it to be for a _good_ reason - snort]). So now, back to the dr for more tests. The other main option is a hysterectomy - which parts of my brain are like 'yay' about, but other parts of me are getting little d depressed. But, I count my blessings that we have insurance and I can _go_ to the dr for what's wrong with me and am able to get the meds they prescribe. Perspective. My life is all about perspective. Hang in there. Who knows - maybe there is a new drug made from violets, wild yams and natural sugars (snort) that some remote tribe in the Amazons has been using that will help your symptoms.....(hey, if I'm gonna dream, I may as well dream BIG, right?)
heatermcca
Feb. 9th, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC)
In my yard this morning.
Promise of spring
(Deleted comment)
soldiergrrrl
Feb. 9th, 2009 06:44 pm (UTC)
That sucks. I'm sorry.
aeddie
Feb. 9th, 2009 06:54 pm (UTC)
Just started reading. I'm marymont's hubby, btw.

Sorry the Lyrica didn't work for you. It has worked wonders for me. I only need the vicodin and soma once or twice a day. At this point, three years on, I'm not sure what I'd do if my arm stopped tingling.

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