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You might want to get that looked at...

It's goofy random thoughts day!


Yesterday, driving home, I saw a truck with a pair of TruckNutz[TMthoughgodknowswhy]. Now, I'm not really a fan of the things, mainly because testicles are something that I'm not used to seeing except in the most intimate of situations (and in the International Male catalogue, but that's different). In public, they're usually discreetly covered (except in the International Male catalogue, but that's different - and they're mostly covered even there)...

(Man, that catalogue is some soft porn. Nice clothes, though

...and so, not something you see every day.

Not to mention, aren't guys usually into gender-typing their cars as female?

(Yeah, okay, that brings up the whole creepy "female as subordinate possession", thing, but I think there's also a certain amount of "I call this car a she because I really don't know what makes her tick" going on as well. Anyway, we're not discussing gender privilege today.)

(Much to everyone's relief, I imagine.)

But anyway - the TruckNutz[TM. also, ick]. There they were, on the truck ahead of me, swinging impudently in the breeze. Fine, you want to put testicles on your car, to show how manly you are. But these ones were green.

Now, no matter where you come from, or what you think of such manly displays, green testicles are usually a sign that something is terribly, terribly wrong, amirite? Even if you have a green truck. Blue TruckNutz might be funny, but green usually means you've got a nasty case of something.

...Or a problem with creeping moss, in which case you might want to give your hygiene rituals a quick once-over for any steps you've missed.

Whatever's wrong, you might not want to advertise it, though any potential dates are probably quite grateful for the heads-up.

Simply put, there are some occasions where matching your accessories might be inadvisable.

On to other random thoughts!

It's always fun watching TV with Bob - we tend to make a running commentary on whatever's on (uh, something our friends might want to keep in mind if they want to watch TV with us), and (of course) advertising gets the brunt of it. Such as the phone ad featuring the couple who have had 11 bulldogs named Steve over the past 38 years.

Bob did a quick calculation, and said "That means they've had one bulldog every 3.45 (okay, I did that on the calculator, but he got it roughly right) years. The average bulldog lives 8 to 10 years. What are they doing to those bulldogs?!".

We came up with:

1. Keep one big pack, all named Steve, and rotate them to confuse guests ("wasn't your dog a lot friendlier the last time I visited? He hardly seems to know me at all").

2. Tendency to misplace dogs under sofa cushions.

3. Instead of 7 dog years per human year, dog years are 20 per in their house, due to unfortunate experiments with homemade Large Hadron Collider in garage.

4. Ate them.

5. Bulldogs got bored, said "fuck it", and left.

Whatever the cause, I'm sure PETA is keeping them under surveillance.

The other ad was for Air Tran Airways - who have quite a sense of humour, as in the case of the pilot on our plane coming back from Plimoth, who said "In the case of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device, which you probably won't remember as you scream and panic, unless you were smart and paid attention to the safety lecture".
There's an ad they have that has a company saving money by shipping its people to conferences in boxes, and most of them arrive safely, if somewhat bounced around.  But one of them is missing - and it cuts to the one person's box falling off the back of a truck.  Then a truck/car hits it. 

Bob said "thank God for packing peanuts. Mind you, if the packing peanuts are those edible kind, he's got in-flight snacks".

- I told Bob the starch-based peanuts were edible once, and he ate one (I've never eaten one, but I have bitten a bunch.  It's a very satisfying sensation). They're kind of like really tasteless cheese puffs.

I get way too many packages filled with those nasty foam peanuts - I'd much rather companies used shredded newspaper, which I can recycle. I used to keep the peanuts, but I gave up - they were taking over my studio. The starch ones I can compost, but the foam ones suck.

Companies, take note. I don't need any more static in my life, kthxbai.

I... I can't get the green TruckNutz out of my mind.  Hopefully now, neither can you.

ETA:  There is actually a Wikipedia entry on them:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truck_balls

Swing, swing swing.


( 45 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )
Feb. 5th, 2009 01:35 pm (UTC)
Teehee with the TV commentary...Dee & I stayed up one night providing Mystery Science Theater-type running commentary on a porn show...we didn't even wind up having sex...just giggled and laughed at the show (how really sad is that?! Sigh...I think we're getting old.) Do you think they have a pair of TruckNuts that bounce along behind your truck? (gravity is a b*tch for both sexes, giggle)
Feb. 5th, 2009 01:44 pm (UTC)
If you do that, you HAVE to record Aliens Gone Wild - The Sex Files. It's on Skinemax, so easily accessible. Just too funny.

Feb. 5th, 2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
I just want to say for the record that the TN riff was great. Thanks!
Feb. 5th, 2009 01:52 pm (UTC)
Hee. Thanks.
Feb. 5th, 2009 01:43 pm (UTC)
There's a truck here in the Vet College parking lot that I pass most every day. It sports a pair of neon pink TruckNutz. I have so wanted to cut them off, and put on one of the "I neutered my pet" bumper stickers on it.
Feb. 5th, 2009 01:52 pm (UTC)
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:27 pm (UTC)
Better yet - leave the TN and put the sticker on right above it.

*Has a sick sense of humor*
Feb. 5th, 2009 03:25 pm (UTC)
Or put on a bumper sticker that says something like
"this is my wife's/girlfriend's/mom's truck"
"I like hairy men"
"shoot the target(s) & win a stuffed bear"

I could go on....
Feb. 5th, 2009 07:25 pm (UTC)
ROTFLMAO! Oh, that's so good!
Feb. 5th, 2009 01:59 pm (UTC)
One of my girlfriends has a pair of those TruckNutz on her SUV. She painted them a brass color. Not my brand of humor, but funny all the same in a "thank goodness that's not on my truck" kind of way.
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:28 pm (UTC)
Ha! My husband and I watch TV that way too. Though he threatens that I have to leave the room if he's really into a Western, because I'll spoil it for him.

It's funny you should mention the TruckNutz. I was just following a complete asshole driver who had them dangling from the back of his truck. I suppose I couldn't say I wasn't warned. Thank God he's not my husband.
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:15 pm (UTC)
"Such as the phone ad featuring the couple who have had 11 bulldogs named Steve over the past 38 years."

This is dieing to be made into a sing along of the 12-Days-of-Christmas (11-Exits-of-Bulldogs?) sort...

Or maybe it is the lack of caffeine speaking.
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:26 pm (UTC)
#1 - ate too much cheese.
#2 - chased municipal bus; caught it.
#3 - went to sleep in dryer.
#4 - drank blue toilet water.
#5 - squeaky toy mishap.
#6 - tripped on hamster ball.
#7 - Went down to the end of the street; police report filed.
#8 - abducted by aliens.
#9 - eaten by garden gnomes.
#10 - Buried in Hoover Dam.
#11 - very, very nervous.
Feb. 5th, 2009 04:20 pm (UTC)
*giggle* I knew you'd be up for the challenge!
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:30 pm (UTC)
"It's always fun watching TV with Bob - we tend to make a running commentary on whatever's on "

I knew that there was a reason I loved you...
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:31 pm (UTC)
I usually take the foam peanuts to a UPS store type place so they can reuse them.

My current favorite commercial is the Hulu one with Alec Baldwin. Sexy and funny - yummy. :)
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:38 pm (UTC)
oooooo! Excellent. I'll do that in future.
Feb. 5th, 2009 07:19 pm (UTC)
I do this too. Will save them up in bags in the garage until I have enough to justify a drop off.
Can't trash them, that's wrong...
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:40 pm (UTC)
"Not to mention, aren't guys usually into gender-typing their cars as female?"

As near as I can tell, cars are designated as by most men as female, but trucks are identified as male. Doesn't make much sense to me, but I'm not the target demographic.
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:47 pm (UTC)
Speaking of commercial commentary
Have you seen the Hughesnet commercial with the woman wearing black pants and a blue button up shirt. Those freaking pants are up under her armpits! It looks like she's wearing a diaper under them or something. I cringe everytime I see that commercial come on.
Mar. 12th, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC)
Re: Speaking of commercial commentary
That woman in the Hughes Net commercial has the cute "wife-next-door" thing going on. I like her a lot better than the red head who was on the earlier commercials.
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:53 pm (UTC)
You know, I once got in an argument with a male friend over the gender of cars. In the end it turned out that any COOL car or high performance car was MALE, in his mind, and anything fat slow and family-oriented was female.

I admonished him that Corvettes are very, very female - they have hips, and in my mind the Ford LTD he called female was super-male, being all square. (And obstinate as a man. Corners when it damn well feels like it!)
Feb. 5th, 2009 03:19 pm (UTC)
The Miata is a petite female who can kick the ass of any truck on the road. :)
Feb. 5th, 2009 02:58 pm (UTC)
I hate those *#&$#*& TN. Makes me want to carry loppers in my car. I like the neutered sticker idea. I mean really; the one thing you want to say to the world is that you have big balls? The Calvin flipping someone off annoys me too. Do my 4 year olds really need to see that?
Feb. 5th, 2009 04:38 pm (UTC)
It seems to me that in proportion to a full-size truck, that the scrotum is rather small. I mean, really, they ought to be proportioned like a large male dog, right?

I wonder if cops pull these vehicles over more often because that decoration is a sure sign of driving like an *sshole.
Feb. 5th, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
I'm tempted to put TruckNutz on my van, Gloria* except then I'd have to change her name to something like RuPaul or Danny La Rue.

But I do like the idea of a minivan with balls!

*Named after my dad's deliberate mistranslation of "Sic transit gloria mundi" as "Gloria threw up in the bus on Monday"
Feb. 5th, 2009 03:20 pm (UTC)
Norfolk tried to ban 'em. Turns out they're a protected form of freedom of expression.

I've long considered it amusing, though, that blue seems to be a favorite color for them.
Feb. 5th, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC)
Well, if they're protected under freedom of speech, we can burn 'em.

Feb. 5th, 2009 04:02 pm (UTC)
RE: Truck Nutz
I think the purchasers are making up for shortcomings?

I like the "nueter" bumper sticker, but the one I would use is:

"Some People Are Born With Them, Some People Have To Buy Them"

Feb. 5th, 2009 07:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Truck Nutz
oooooh! I like that slogan too!
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 5th, 2009 04:15 pm (UTC)
Jeffrey Rowland's webcomic diary Overcompensating had a whole story arc about TruckNutz.
The most horrifying ones?
Desert camoflage. With a yellow ribbon on them.
I'm not even making that up.
It's a three part series, apparently.
Feb. 5th, 2009 04:18 pm (UTC)
I couldn't resist. I went to the website and looked at the photo gallery (mainly 'cause I wanted to see the green ones). Some of those guys sure are proud! Heh.
Feb. 5th, 2009 05:29 pm (UTC)
hi, TMI!
I love the International Male catalog! I've bought several faux frock coats for my hubbi from there & he wears them every winter & at Dickens faire. But alas, he won't wear any of the pants (not in public, tho' he has the butt for it ;-).

(THANK the gods we don't get truck nuts out here.)
Feb. 5th, 2009 05:41 pm (UTC)
Re: hi, TMI!
Bob has the Opera Coat - I love that they actually made a really full coat. I took the cuffs off (they were huge and bulky) and put new buttons on it, and he wears it when he comes clubbing with me when no-one else is available - he dresses up, even though the music isn't so much his thing (though he sometimes likes what they play, especially if the DJ throws a lot of Nu-Ro and 80s stuff into the mix). He is awesome (and looks smashing).
Feb. 5th, 2009 06:20 pm (UTC)
on the topic of female vehicles vs. male, my car is female. The previous one was male. Here's why:

Female cars experience minor glitches every month or so, but this doesn't actually keep them from working. In fact, even major issues are noticible only as rumbling, they keep going no matter what. They may be slow to warm up, but nothing stops them.

Male cars rarely have anything wrong, but when they do they will not start. At all. Even if the proplem is 'out of washer fluid'. Male cars have two modes: 'Zing!' and 'dying...'
Feb. 5th, 2009 07:10 pm (UTC)
TruckNutz sighting
One day my husband and I pulled into the grocery store parking lot and saw a huge monster truck with what had to be a 4 foot lift on the oversized extended cab stupid-mobile. We couldn't stop laughing after sighting the standard size TruckNutz dangling off the back.

Scale anyone?
Feb. 13th, 2009 03:43 pm (UTC)
Re: TruckNutz sighting
It just matched its owner - human males have the smallest penis to body ratio of all mammals.

I learned that at the International Penis Museum in Iceland. Whale penises are just plain impressive.
Feb. 5th, 2009 07:11 pm (UTC)
A friend uses a pair of brass TruckNutz as an "incentive" for the two sales guys on his team. Whoever gets the most sales in a month, gets to keep the brass TruckNutz in his desk drawer (they are not be left out and about for clients to see). Apparently his sales guys are killing themselves vying for "control" of the brass balls.

I don't know what he'll do if a woman joins the team.
Feb. 5th, 2009 07:23 pm (UTC)
I find the Flesh colored TN's just disturbing. And obviously they are classless, but so can Americans be. :)
Feb. 5th, 2009 07:24 pm (UTC)
nods. I had to do a WTF the first time I saw truck balls -- they were the size of TENNIS BALLS! OMG! and red


Edited at 2009-02-05 07:24 pm (UTC)
Feb. 5th, 2009 07:43 pm (UTC)
I have been known to use the starch peanuts to stiffen my crocheted lace.
Feb. 5th, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)
packing peanuts
do you know anyone with ferrets? They LOVE playing in a box of the *dissolvable ONLY* packing peanuts.
Feb. 5th, 2009 11:19 pm (UTC)
There's a hardware and tire store nearby that I like to get stuff like windshield fluid from (the proper name, apparently, is "Gooshy", as in "Do you have any winter Gooshy in yet?"). They have a MASSIVE silver set of TruckNutz in the main display window and have for years.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone, ever around here with them, and everyone out here owns a truck.

Ebay sellers LOVE those foam peanuts, they'll actually buy them from folks -- they're worth their weight in gold as they're expensive to order from places like UPS. Sadly, they don't weigh very much. They also make great cat toys if you don't mind picking them off static-filled cats later on.
Feb. 6th, 2009 03:37 am (UTC)
Thanks SO MUCH!! I need that laugh today. And I am so glad that the hubby and I are not the only ones who make fun of the TV.....
( 45 brains — Leave a chunk of brain! )

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